How to Treat Your Partner If They Have Porn Addiction

Having a partner who is obsessed with porn can cause you to have a low opinion of yourself. It can cause you to have trouble concentrating, have mood swings, anxiety, and feeling hopeless that you will ever be enough for your partner. According to marriage and family therapist Nicole Colby, it is important for you to change the way you feel about yourself as a result of your partner’s porn addiction so that you can change the direction of your thoughts to thinking about your partner getting treatment. 

Effects of Partner’s Addiction to Porn

Dating or being married to someone with a porn addiction can have a significant effect on you. You could be feeling betrayed and rejected in that you feel like your husband is cheating on you with pornographic videos or images. You could be blaming yourself for everything in thinking that your partner’s addiction to porn is normal and that you are just being jealous. You could also be thinking there is something wrong with you and that maybe you could make yourself more desirable so that your partner does not feel a need for porn. The truth is that porn addiction is no different than drug addiction in that you cannot blame a particular person for an addiction. Once you admit to yourself that your partner has an addiction, the faster it will be for them to seek help.

You Yourself Cannot Cure It

Do not feel that because you are in a relationship with someone who has a porn addiction that it is up to you to fix it. Especially if you feel like the reason for the addiction is your fault. You could be thinking that you could have been attractive enough that he or she would not feel like they need to subject themselves to porn. Your partner’s addiction to porn is not your fault. It is not about you. Because porn is so available and accessible, it is easy to acquire it in order to find pleasure whenever you need it. This is something that your partner needs to deal with. 

Support Groups

Do not feel like you are the only one who has a partner with an addiction to porn. All of those feelings of isolation, rejection, betrayal, anxiety, and anything else you are feeling, others are feeling the same way too. Groups like S-Anon are a support group for families of those who are struggling with sex addiction. You can achieve the support and connection that you have been longing for. You can also speak to a therapist that is trained in sex addiction and can help you better understand it and tell you what to do about your partner. 

Reach Out

Do not feel afraid to tell someone about what you are feeling. You may be feeling ashamed of your partner which can make you withdraw from your loved ones in fear of them asking you how you and your partner are doing. You do not want to lie to them, so you feel it is best to take yourself out of the picture. You may be feeling lost, scared, and have no idea what to do. That is where your family and friends come in so that you do not have to keep these feelings buried in. Remember that you do not have to reach out if you do not feel ready or comfortable to do so. Just know that there will always be someone around you who can make you feel better. 

Hobbies

It can be hard to help you live your life knowing that your partner is struggling with their porn addiction or is currently in recovery. Being there for your partner may have caused you to withdraw from activities that you were always a part of. Engaging in a hobby can help you stay grounded and give you a good distraction from feeling too dependent on helping your partner. Trust that they are under a great deal of care and that you can engage in a hobby without worrying about them. You can also help your partner engage in a new hobby to distract them away from porn. Depending on your partner’s interest, encourage him or her to join a group to be around others with the same interest.

Talk To Your Partner

One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in regards to your partner’s porn addiction is denying it. By not talking about it or treating it like it is a typical thing to do, you are only letting the problem grow worse. Speak to your partner about their behavior and how it does not only affect them but affect you too. Let them know that you know that they are not a bad person, but are exhibiting harmful behaviors that need to change. Help identify what the stem of their addiction is and to stop assuming that it is all about you. 

Once you have an idea of what is causing your partner’s addiction, encourage your partner to speak to a therapist, go to a 12-Step meeting or rehab for sex addiction. Celebrate all of the accomplishments they make such as going through a whole morning without looking at porn. Even accomplishments that may seem very small can help make a world of difference. Once your partner understands how this is affecting you, they will care enough to get themselves help, strengthening your relationship. 

Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Recovery is a recovery center that uses evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress-reducing techniques centered around a 12 step network, you will ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please contact us as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.