May 15, 2020

Why You Shouldn’t Compare Yourself to Others in Addiction Recovery

When you first start recovering from a substance use disorder, whether you enter treatment, start going to 12-Step meetings, or some other method, you’re taking your first steps into unfamiliar territory. You’re never quite sure if you’re doing the right things or if you have any chance of succeeding. It’s normal to look around and compare your progress to others to try to reassure yourself or at least estimate your progress. However, making these kinds of comparisons only make you feel worse and endangers your recovery. Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t compare yourself to others while recovering from addiction, or, really, at any other time.

Comparisons Lead to Depression and Anxiety

Teddy Roosevelt famously said that “Comparison is the thief of joy.” In our hearts, we know this is true. You might be thrilled with your new car until you see your friend’s new car, for example. There’s always something better out there that can ruin our enjoyment of what we have.

What’s more, there appears to be something inherent in comparisons that makes us unhappy. One pair of studies found that spending more time on Facebook correlated with more feelings of depression. Perhaps more to the point, the second study in the pair found that people who made more comparisons on Facebook had worse depressive symptoms, even when they felt they were the same or better than the people they were comparing themselves to.

Perhaps this effect is a mix of uncertainty, self-consciousness, and critical judgment. Either way, making fewer comparisons is an easy way to protect your mental health. This is especially important for addiction recovery, given that at least half of people with substance use disorders have a co-occurring mental health issue, chief among which are mood disorders and anxiety disorders.

Comparisons Can Give You an Excuse to Quit

It’s important to keep in mind that pretty much everyone who enters treatment is deeply ambivalent about staying sober. You feel obligated to say and act like you want to get sober and you might even believe it, but the addicted mind is tricky.

One common problem people face early in recovery is called “terminal uniqueness” in 12-Step circles. It’s the belief that you’re unlike everyone else there in some fundamental way. For example, you may see your own substance use issues as situational and temporary while seeing your peers in treatment or in the rooms as “addicts.” Therefore, you feel you shouldn’t have to engage with treatment in the same way as others. This can be a huge barrier to progress.

On the other hand, you may see someone doing very well in recovery and feel like that person has some fundamental advantage that you lack. You can’t imagine that person starting where you are and ending where they are. You feel like you’ll never be that person, so you might as well quit. Addiction is always looking for a way to get back into the game and comparisons—good and bad—provide that opportunity.

Comparisons Are Never Accurate

If comparisons are estimating your own position, progress, and potential, they are not even particularly helpful for that. No one ever enters recovery in the exact same circumstances. They have different addictions, different mental health issues, different personal histories, different personalities, and different resources. There is an essentially infinite number of combinations, which is why it’s so important for treatment to be individualized. However, it also means any comparison you make is not going to be accurate or valid.

What’s more, you’re always making comparisons based on limited information. Not only do other people have different advantages and disadvantages, but you never really know what those are. And you never really know how they are doing in recovery. So much of recovery is in your head. Someone may outwardly appear to be doing well but inwardly feel like a train wreck. Furthermore, the future is inherently unpredictable. You never really know who is going to end up having a strong, lasting recovery.

Comparisons are Never Useful

Aside from helping you figure out where you are, you might hope that comparing yourself to others might prove useful in some way. However, that’s typically not the case. While you should certainly listen to others and learn what you can, it’s crucial not to make the mistake of assuming you will have the same needs in recovery as anyone else. Again, this is why individualized care is important. You have to be aware of your own priorities in recovery and stay focused on those, rather than trying to win someone else’s race. It hardly matters if you outdo someone else in some area if it doesn’t help you achieve your own goals.

Comparisons Turn Recovery Into a Competition

Finally, it’s important to remember that recovery is not a competition. Recovery should be about cooperation and mutual support. The more connected you feel to people in your sober network, the more likely your recovery will last. If you want to undermine that connection, one of the fastest ways is to regard all of your peers in recovery as rivals and feel diminished by their successes. In fact, the opposite is true. When one person in your sober network succeeds, it helps everyone. Not only does it show that recovery is possible, but feeling happy for other people’s success improves your sense of wellbeing.

Comparing ourselves to others is one of those things we all do sometimes but we would all be better off if we stopped. Comparisons make us unhappy and don’t provide us with any useful information. It’s far better to focus on the things that matter to us and the things under our control.

At Enlightened Recovery, we know that joy and happiness are essential to living a sober life. Our holistic programs combine evidence-based treatment with spiritual and wellness practices that help our clients live more fulfilling lives. To learn more about our programs, call us today at 833-801-LIVE.

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If you’re wondering how to choose an addiction recovery program in NJ, begin by asking how each program determines the care you need. A convenient location and an open bed matter, but they do not tell you whether a program can address your withdrawal risks, mental health, and plans for life after treatment.

You also do not need to figure out the right level of care on your own before calling. A thoughtful assessment should help you understand where to start. Use the questions below to compare programs and make the next step feel less overwhelming.

Ask What Happens During the Assessment

An admissions call may begin with basic questions about insurance and availability. Before you commit to treatment, find out how the program assesses your needs and who makes the clinical recommendation.

You should have an opportunity to discuss the substances you use, when you last used them, any previous withdrawal symptoms, medications, physical health concerns, and past treatment experiences. The conversation should also cover how substance use is affecting your daily life. For example, are you having trouble staying safe at home, getting to work, or caring for yourself? Are depression, anxiety, trauma, or other mental health concerns involved?

Ask the admissions team:

Who conducts the clinical assessment?
Will you assess whether I need medical support during withdrawal?
How do you decide which level of care is appropriate?
What happens if I need a service you do not provide?
When will my treatment plan be reviewed?

You should understand the reason behind the recommendation, even if you are hearing unfamiliar treatment terms for the first time. SAMHSA recommends looking for quality care that responds to a person’s needs and includes appropriate treatment and recovery support.

Compare Levels of Care, Not Just Facilities

The word “rehab” can describe very different experiences. One person may need supervised detox before beginning treatment. Another may be ready for an outpatient schedule that lets them live at home. A clinical assessment helps determine an appropriate starting point, and that recommendation may change as treatment progresses.

When comparing addiction recovery programs in New Jersey, ask what each level of care involves:

Detox provides support during withdrawal. Ask what medical supervision is available, which substances the program is equipped to address, and how the team helps people move into ongoing treatment afterward.
Residential treatment provides a structured setting where people live during care. Ask what a typical day includes, how long stays are determined, and how treatment goals are reviewed.
Partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient programs (IOP) provide structured treatment without the same overnight stay as residential care. Ask about the weekly schedule, attendance requirements, and whether the program fits your transportation, work, or family responsibilities.
Standard outpatient care generally involves a less intensive schedule. Ask how the team determines whether that amount of support is sufficient for you.

A program does not have to offer every service at one address. It should, however, explain what happens if you need to move to another level of care. New Jersey’s addiction services treatment directory is another way to explore licensed treatment options by service type. www.nj.gov

Ask How Mental Health Fits Into Treatment

For many people, substance use is only part of the story. Anxiety, depression, trauma, and other mental health concerns may affect recovery and deserve attention during treatment.

If this sounds familiar, ask more than “Do you treat dual diagnosis?” Find out what that care looks like. Who assesses mental health symptoms? Are mental health professionals involved throughout treatment? How are existing psychiatric medications reviewed? Can the team coordinate with a therapist or prescriber you already see?

Be as open as you can about your concerns during the assessment. If you are worried that mentioning mental health symptoms could complicate admission, ask directly how the program would respond. That answer can help you judge whether the team is prepared to support your full set of needs.

At Enlightened Recovery, our New Jersey services include care for people facing both substance use and mental health challenges. Our admissions team can discuss your situation and help identify an appropriate starting point. You can also learn more about our Egg Harbor City addiction recovery program in New Jersey.

Picture What a Typical Week Would Be Like

Treatment descriptions often list individual therapy, groups, and other services. Ask someone to walk you through what those services mean in practice.

How often would you meet with a clinician individually? What topics do groups cover? How does the team adjust care if you are struggling or making progress? If involving family would be helpful, ask whether family therapy is available and how you decide who participates.

Practical questions belong in this conversation, too. If you are considering residential care, ask what to bring, how communication with loved ones works, and what the first few days are like. For outpatient care, ask about session times, missed appointments, and transportation. Knowing what to expect can make it easier to choose a program you can realistically attend and engage with.

Discuss Aftercare Before You Enroll

Getting into treatment can feel urgent. Planning for what comes next may seem like a distant concern, but it is an important question to raise early.

Ask when aftercare planning begins and who helps coordinate it. Depending on your needs, a plan may include a step down to outpatient treatment, appointments with a therapist or prescriber, recovery meetings, family support, or help with housing and transportation. If you will return to a home environment where substance use is common, tell the team so you can discuss it together.

At Enlightened Recovery, our New Jersey continuum includes detox, residential, and outpatient options. Ask admissions how care transitions and aftercare planning would work for your circumstances.

Get Clear Answers About Cost and Next Steps

Before enrolling, ask for an insurance benefits check and an explanation of expected costs. Find out whether the program is in network, what your plan may cover, whether prior authorization is needed, and what you may owe in deductibles, copays, or other charges. If you do not have insurance, ask what payment options or referrals are available.

You can compare options through independent resources as well. ReachNJ connects New Jersey residents with treatment referrals and other support regardless of insurance status or ability to pay. www.nj.gov

Choosing an addiction recovery program does not require a perfect decision made in one phone call. Start by explaining what is happening, asking how the program would assess your needs, and listening for clear answers about treatment and continued support. Contact Enlightened Recovery to discuss addiction treatment options in New Jersey and what the admissions process could look like for you.

If you are wondering how to help someone with addiction in New Jersey, begin with a calm, specific conversation and a practical offer of support. You cannot make another person accept treatment, but you can explain what you have noticed, listen to their concerns, and help them explore options. Families often wait for the perfect words. There may be none. A conversation grounded in care and concrete observations is more useful than trying to win an argument about whether someone has an addiction.

Being unsure about rehab does not necessarily mean a person is unwilling to change. They may recognize that alcohol or drugs are causing problems but feel frightened by withdrawal, embarrassed to ask for help, or uncertain about leaving home. You do not need to resolve every concern in one conversation. Your first goal is to make it possible to keep talking.

Choose a Time When You Can Both Talk

Avoid starting a serious treatment discussion during an argument or when the person is intoxicated. Choose a private moment when you can give them your attention without rushing to work or managing other demands. If several family members share your concerns, decide who has the closest, safest relationship with the person. A room full of worried relatives can feel overwhelming.

Describe what concerns you without turning the conversation into a list of accusations. You might say, “I’m worried because you’ve missed work twice this month after drinking, and you seemed frightened this morning. I want to help you find out what kind of support is available.” Then make room for an answer.

Use questions that invite more than a yes or no response: “What feels hardest about getting help?” or “What would you want a treatment program to understand about you?” The person may be worried about withdrawal, cost, privacy, leaving work, or what treatment will be like. Listening does not mean you agree with every response. It helps you understand which concern needs an answer. SAMHSA recommends listening without judgment and recognizing the person’s strengths when discussing help.

Respond to the Concern Behind “I’m Not Ready”

If your loved one says they are not ready for rehab, ask what “not ready” means to them. Someone who fears withdrawal may need to speak with a medical professional about whether detox is appropriate. Someone who worries about work may want to understand the time commitment of different treatment options. A parent may need to make a childcare plan before considering residential care.

Avoid promising that treatment will be easy or that one program will solve everything. Offer to help them gather accurate information. You could say, “We can call and ask questions. You do not have to decide everything before we know what the options are.”

It can also help to ask what they do want to change. They may not be prepared to discuss rehab, but they may want to sleep better, stop missing work, or feel more present with their family. Those goals can open a more useful discussion than arguing over a label.

Offer One Manageable Next Step

“Go to rehab” can sound overwhelming to someone who has not even spoken with a local New Jersey treatment provider. A smaller offer may be easier to consider:

Sit together while they call an admissions team.
Help write down questions about detox or treatment.
Offer to help verify insurance benefits.
Arrange a ride to an assessment if they agree.
Ask what kind of support they would accept today.

An assessment can help clarify what level of care may fit the person’s needs. Depending on their situation, the discussion may cover substance use, physical health, mental health, safety, and previous treatment experiences. The right next step is individual; it should not be decided solely by what worked for someone else.

You can seek information for yourself, too. New Jersey’s ReachNJ service connects residents with substance use treatment information and referrals. Its family resources also point loved ones toward support, including NJ Connect for Recovery.

Keep the Door Open if They Decline

A refusal today does not have to end the conversation. You can say, “I hear that you don’t want to call right now. I care about you, and I’m willing to talk again.” Then follow through without bringing up treatment at every encounter.

Pay attention to what changes. If the person later mentions feeling sick, missing an important event, or worrying about their use, ask whether they would like help exploring options. Avoid treating a difficult moment as an opportunity to say, “I told you so.” Shame can make an already difficult conversation harder.

You may feel an urge to research every facility, arrange transportation, and set a date before the person has agreed to anything. Gathering information can help, but leave room for their questions and participation. Treatment planning is more useful when the person can describe their own concerns and goals.

Be Clear About Your Own Boundaries

Support does not require you to hide substance use, provide money you cannot afford, or accept behavior that makes your home unsafe. State boundaries in terms of what you will do: “I can help you make a treatment call, but I cannot give you money for alcohol.”

Try to make boundaries realistic and consistent. You might decide that you will not let someone drive your car while impaired or that you will leave a conversation if they become threatening. If you share a home or care for children together, a counselor or other qualified professional can help you plan a difficult conversation and identify support for everyone affected.

Boundaries and compassion can coexist. You can care deeply about someone while taking steps to protect your finances, children, health, and safety.

Take Immediate Danger Seriously

If someone is unconscious, cannot be awakened, is breathing slowly, or may be experiencing an overdose, call 911. If an opioid overdose is possible and naloxone is available, administer it according to its instructions while emergency help is on the way. Naloxone can reverse an opioid overdose, but the person still needs emergency attention.

If the person drinks heavily and is concerned about withdrawal, encourage them to discuss it with a medical professional before trying to stop on their own. For a nonemergency treatment conversation, the goal is different: make it easier to take the next step without shame.

Find Support for the Whole Family

A loved one’s treatment decision may take time. Your need for guidance does not have to wait. Ask providers about family education, available support, and how to respect your loved one’s privacy while staying involved. You may also benefit from your own counselor or a family support group, particularly if substance use has affected trust or daily life at home.

Enlightened Recovery’s main campus in Egg Harbor City serves people seeking addiction treatment in South Jersey, with options that include detox, residential, and outpatient care.

Contact our team to ask what an initial assessment involves, which services may fit your loved one’s needs, and how you can support them as they explore treatment.

It is very common to see a friend pass out after a night of heavy drinking. The Centers for Disease Control says that six people die every day from alcohol poisoning. Instead of assuming that your friend needs to sleep off the alcoholic effects, it is important for you to treat him or her to better save their life from alcohol poisoning.

Reasons People Pass Out When Drunk

Alcohol is a depressant that impacts the central nervous system which consists of your brain and spinal cord. This explains why heavy drinking causes you to make poor judgments as well as having trouble staying alert. Alcohol tends to release a huge amount of dopamine which is what makes you feel good. But the more you drink, the more your body builds up adenosine which makes you tired. Alcohol also affects the neurotransmitter glutamate which affects your brain function where you have trouble with your breathing and heart rate, making alcohol intoxication more dangerous. You could be drunk and hit your head and feel like you are fine to drive until you crash your car and choke on your own vomit.

If you spend time with someone who drinks four or more drinks in one sitting, you should inform them about how many drinks can result in a dangerous blood alcohol count. A standard beer is 12 ounces, wine is five ounces, and 80 proof spirits like rum or tequila is 1.5 ounces. Keep in mind how much your friend has eaten and how your body metabolizes alcohol.

What to Do If Your Friend Does Not Wake Up

It is easy to wake someone up if they are simply sleeping off their alcohol. Someone unconscious as a result of the alcohol can be harder. Susan Stoner, Ph.D., a research consultant at the University of Washington Alcohol & Drug Abuse Institute, says that if calling your friend’s name and rubbing their shoulders does not work, rub their sternum with your knuckles or pinch their earlobes to cause a little pain to wake them up. If they are still not responsive, they are most likely unconscious and could be at risk of death.

Other signs that your friend has overdosed on alcohol and needs medical attention is if they have clammy skin, confusion, pale skin, low body temperature, seizures, vomiting, trouble breathing, pausing for ten or more seconds between breaths, and reduced physical responses like the lack of a gag reflex that prevents choking. Do not take too long to decide whether or not to call 911 as not doing anything can increase your friend’s chances of death. Check for if your friend is breathing or able to respond to any of your attempts at waking them up. If your friend is vomiting while unconscious, turn your friend to their side or forward so that they do not choke. When emergency responders come, tell them everything that they need to know about your friend such as how much they drank, the kind of alcohol, any other drugs, a certain medical condition they have, and anything else that can be helpful for medical professionals to treat your friend.

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Start the Path to Recovery at Englightened Recovery in New Jersey

Taking the first step toward change can feel uncertain, yet the right environment can provide clarity and direction. At Enlightened Recovery, each person is met with compassion, respect, and guidance tailored to their unique needs. Our team works closely with you to create a plan that supports both immediate stability and long-term progress. Reach out today to begin building a healthier, more grounded future.

Look After Your Friend

Alcohol is going to continue to leak from your friend’s stomach and small intestine into their bloodstream, causing their blood alcohol level to rise even after they have stopped drinking. If you think that your friend is simply sleeping off the alcohol, you may return hours later to see that your friend has stopped breathing or has choked on their own vomit. To see for sure if your friend is suffering from alcohol poisoning, check if they have impaired speech or motor skills, cannot drive, poor decision making, blacking out, vomiting, or losing consciousness. As soon as you notice these symptoms, call 911 immediately.

You should also make sure not to leave your friend alone. If this is happening at a party with a lot of people, you want to make sure that someone is not going to come along and take advantage of your friend through sexual assault. Do not be afraid to take you and your friend away from the situation by driving your friend home. If someone dropped you off to the party, call your ride or call a Lyft or an Uber to pick you and your friend up. Make sure that your location settings are on and to always have your phone charged.

How to Avoid Passing Out From Alcohol

The United States Department of Agriculture’s Dietary Guidelines says that drinking in moderation means that women should be drinking no more than one drink a day and no more than two drinks for men. In order to stay as safe as possible from passing out drunk, you should switch between an alcoholic beverage and a glass of water. The same goes for food as you should not have only alcohol in your system. Eat before and while you are drinking so that you do not absorb the alcohol too quickly. Only have no more than one drink every hour. You should also make sure that you communicate with your friend of how many drinks should be the limit. If you are both aware of what your body can and cannot handle, do not increase the number of drinks. By not leaving your friend alone and calling 911 if your friend passes out, you could be saving a life.

Alcohol Detox and Rehab in New Jersey

An alcohol poisoning emergency may also reveal a larger pattern of dangerous drinking. If your friend regularly drinks heavily, experiences blackouts, cannot control how much they consume, or continues drinking despite serious consequences, they may be struggling with alcohol abuse or alcohol use disorder. Once the immediate emergency has been addressed, encourage them to speak with an addiction treatment professional. They should not attempt to stop drinking suddenly without medical guidance, since alcohol withdrawal can cause seizures, hallucinations, delirium tremens, and other life-threatening complications.

Enlightened Recovery provides alcohol detox and rehab programs in New Jersey for individuals who need professional support to stop drinking and begin building a healthier life. The appropriate level of care depends on the person’s drinking history, withdrawal risk, physical health, mental health symptoms, home environment, and previous treatment experiences.

Medical alcohol detox offers a supervised setting where trained professionals can monitor withdrawal symptoms, help manage discomfort, and respond if complications develop. Detox gives the body time to stabilize, but it is only the beginning of the recovery process. After completing detox, clients may transition into residential alcohol rehab or another appropriate level of care for continued treatment.

Enlightened Recovery’s alcohol rehab program combines evidence-based therapies with holistic healing and recovery-focused support. Treatment may include individual counseling, group therapy, relapse-prevention education, family involvement, mental health services, and practical strategies for handling stress and alcohol cravings. When alcohol abuse occurs alongside anxiety, depression, trauma, or another mental health condition, integrated treatment can address both concerns as part of the same recovery plan.

Located in Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Recovery offers a supportive environment where individuals can step away from the people, places, and pressures associated with drinking. The goal is not only to help clients stop using alcohol, but also to help them understand the factors contributing to their drinking and develop skills that support lasting recovery.

If you or someone you care about needs help for alcohol abuse, Enlightened Recovery is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call our admissions team to learn more about alcohol detox and rehab in New Jersey, discuss available treatment options, and begin the admissions process.

If someone is unconscious, breathing abnormally, having a seizure, or showing signs of alcohol poisoning, call 911 immediately rather than attempting to transport them yourself.

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