Those of us with mental health problems, emotional challenges and addictions often have troubling issues we are facing simultaneously. They can cause us all kinds of inner turmoil as well as relationship conflict. We get so wrapped up in these issues that we don’t think to take a look at the underlying fears. We focus on what’s on the surface, such as recent occurrences and temporary circumstances. For example, we might become consumed by the latest argument we had with our partner rather than addressing the fears that fueled the argument in the first place. When we look deeper at the existing fears, we can face them head on, and as we work to heal them, the surface issues will improve. Here are a few common issues and the fears they represent.
Insecurity
When we feel insecure within ourselves, it can touch every part of our lives: our self-love, our confidence, our body image, our sense of security and groundedness. It can make us lose faith in ourselves and our potential. We might feel insecure about the mistake we made last week, or the new haircut we hate, but deep down what we’re really afraid of is inadequacy. We are afraid we aren’t good enough.
Arrogance
Similarly, when we are arrogant and put other people down, we are often insecure and so afraid that we are inadequate that we compensate by trying to make ourselves seem more confident than we actually feel. We aren’t happy with ourselves, so we try to bring others down to make ourselves feel better.
Jealousy
When we feel jealous in any relationship, whether romantic or not, we are often afraid of being abandoned or rejected. We fear losing their love. We fear losing their attention or validation. Our sense of security has been threatened. We might fear we are inadequate or inferior to the person we feel is robbing of us that love, attention and validation. Sometimes more than anything we fear being alone.
Envy
Envy hits us when someone else has something we wish we had- an accomplishment, a personality trait, the family we always wanted. We feel threatened by other people’s happiness and success. We might become bitter, resentful, even mean-spirited. We might ask ourselves things like “why do they have that, and I don’t? What’s so great about him?” Again, this comes down to fears of inferiority and inadequacy, but it can also indicate fear of failure, fear of not being happy or fulfilled, fear of not having the life we want.
Looking at the fears beneath our issues is an important step in the healing process. Our issues are often just symptoms. They are manifestations of our fears. When we focus on the underlying fears, we come closer to finding real healing solutions.
We can all use help looking at our deepest fears. Let Enlightened Recovery offer you their support. Call (833) 801-LIVE.