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January: A Time for New Beginnings

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It’s January, the first month of the year. The longest night of the year is behind us and the days are very gradually beginning to get longer. Many people think about making new beginnings or changes in January. It’s a great time to make changes because so many people are making resolutions that would be beneficial to them or to stop doing something harmful. If you have thoughts about not drinking anymore, January is a great time to quit. If you have been sober but have relapsed, January is the perfect time to recommit to sobriety.

A Great Time to Quit

If you decide to quit drinking for good during January, you will have lots of company. January is traditionally a time for new beginnings, for people to evaluate what’s working in their lives and what isn’t working. For many people, what isn’t working is drinking alcohol, so they decide to quit permanently. Other people take a month-long break from alcohol, participating in what’s known as “Dry January.” Dry January began in 2013 in the United Kingdom as part of a campaign to raise money for alcohol abuse and treatment and has since blossomed into a worldwide phenomenon. While participating in Dry January is not in and of itself a treatment for alcohol use disorder, it can be easier to give up drinking because lots of other people won’t be drinking either. Alcohol consumption is very prevalent in our society and Dry January has helped normalize sobriety and remove some of the stigma associated with not drinking.

A Great Time to Quit Again

For some people who have previously given up alcohol and then begun to drink again, January can serve as an impetus for them to recommit to sobriety and either seek treatment again or start attending a support group. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, between 40 and 60 percent of people who have stopped drinking alcohol or using drugs end up relapsing. Relapsing after an attempt to stop drinking or using drugs is not a failure, but because of the “chronic nature of addiction…[that] can be part of the process…Treatment of chronic diseases involves changing deeply rooted behaviors, and relapse doesn’t mean treatment has failed.” What relapse does mean is that it is time to consider treatment again and going back to a support group if you have stopped.

Tips to Make Your Decision to Quit Drinking Stick

Deciding to quit drinking is a huge first step on your path. Here are a few tips to help you stick to your decision. 

  • You don’t have to go it alone. Let friends and family members who will be supportive know what you have decided. You may be surprised by how much encouragement you receive. You may want to seek more structured support like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or SMART Recovery. Both have meetings around the world that are free and you will find yourself surrounded by other people who have made or are making the same decision you are.
  • Spend some time thinking about why you drink. Are you bored? Lonely? Did you recently suffer a loss and you are drinking to dull the pain? Many people use alcohol as a coping mechanism, but there are healthier coping alternatives available to you. You may want to start therapy.
  • Think about what you will say in social situations when someone offers you a drink. You could say that you have an early flight to catch, an important meeting that you need to be ready for, or a heavy-duty workout scheduled for the next morning. Or you could just smile and say, “No, thank you.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
  • Find something else that you like to drink. You may find that you love sparkling water with a splash of cranberry juice and a lime twist or that fixing a cup of tea when you get home from work can replace your former evening cocktail.
  • Find something else to do during the time that you used to drink. Maybe you have decided to attend AA meetings and you find that there is a great meeting that happens at happy hour. Or you may find that you love to go for a nice long run right after work.
  • You may want to make giving up alcohol part of a larger commitment to your health. Make it a priority to eat healthy, nutritious food. Cook more of your meals at home. You can control the nutrition and calories and you will save a lot of money. Make sure that you are getting seven to eight hours of sleep a night. Also, this is a perfect time to start an exercise program.

You have decided to quit drinking–congratulations! The benefits of not drinking are numerous, lots of people will join you on your journey, and January is a wonderful time to start something new that will benefit you. January is a great time to quit drinking, but the best time to stop drinking is whenever you realize that there is a problem.

If you have decided that it is time to give up alcohol–whether it’s January or July– we at Enlightened Recovery would be honored to help you on your journey of recovery. Treatment begins with a thorough assessment of your unique situation, enabling us to design an individualized plan for you. The program we offer is for the whole person, not just his or her addiction. We are licensed to treat co-occurring disorders that often accompany addiction, including major depressive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and bipolar disorder. Our program is rooted in the 12-Step philosophy and combines traditional talk therapy with a variety of holistic treatment modalities. Alternative therapies that we offer include family constellation therapy, acupuncture, chiropractic treatment, yoga, meditation, sound healing, art therapy, music therapy, equine therapy, and horticultural therapy. We are located in New Jersey, near the southern shore. For help in overcoming your addiction, please call us at (833) 801-5483.

The Co-Occurring Disorders of Substance Abuse and Depression

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Addiction and mental health issues often go hand in hand and it can be difficult to tell which came first. In order to successfully treat addiction, mental health issues must also be addressed.

Major depressive disorder is more than the blues or feeling down. It’s not something that a person can “snap out of” or “get over” by force of will. It is a common and serious medical condition that impacts the way you think, feel, and act. Symptoms include feeling hopeless, helpless, worthless, and empty. You may experience persistent sadness and tiredness. You may have trouble sleeping, or you may want to sleep all the time. You might gain or lose weight, and you might lose interest in activities that you used to enjoy.

To cope with these feelings, you may start to drink or use drugs, or use these substances more often or in greater quantities. You would like to cut back or quit, but you can’t. Now you have added addiction to the issues you face. You have a dual diagnosis or co-occurring disorder: major depressive and substance use disorders.

You Are Not Alone

You are not the only one to struggle with a co-occurring disorder–far from it. According to the National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI), in 2018 nearly 9.2 million people in the United States were diagnosed with both substance use disorder and a mental health issue. A dual diagnosis of depression and substance abuse puts people at an increased risk of suicide as well as social and personal impairment.

Links Between Depression and Substance Abuse

While it is not completely accurate to say that one condition causes the other, and it can be difficult to say which disorder came first, the depression or the addiction, there is a strong correlation between substance abuse and major depressive disorder. People with depression often use drugs or alcohol to self-medicate. While this can bring relief in the short term, in the long term, substance abuse usually makes depression worse. It is also thought that substance abuse can cause symptoms of depression. Additionally, drugs or alcohol can interact with antidepressants, making them less effective.

Treating Depression and Substance Abuse

In the past, many drug and alcohol treatment centers only focused on treating addiction. This meant that any mental health issues that may have contributed to the addiction went unaddressed, setting the person up for relapse when the next crisis came along. Fortunately, many facilities now treat both substance use disorder and any mental health issues that the person may have. If the patient’s addiction is to be treated effectively, the depression must be treated as well. Otherwise, the patient may not be able to maintain a life of sobriety. 

If you are looking for a treatment center and you have major depressive disorder and an addiction to drugs or alcohol, look for a center that is licensed to treat co-occurring disorders. The center should involve you in goal setting for your treatment plan, provide education about both disorders, and teach you the life skills that you need to manage both.

Effective Self-Help

While no self-help measures can take the place of professional help, there are steps you can take to make your symptoms more manageable.

Learn techniques to reduce stress levels. Stress is an unavoidable part of life, but you can become better at managing it. Meditation and deep breathing techniques can be very helpful. If you are new to meditation, there are many apps you can find to guide you through the process.

Learn what triggers you to drink or use drugs. Recognize these triggers and use strategies to cope with them without using drugs or alcohol.

Be aware of your health. Exercise for 30 minutes a day, three to five times a week. Eat nutritious food and get seven to nine hours of sleep a night.

Do something for someone else. Volunteer with a non-profit organization in your community. Take in the trash cans for a neighbor. Fix a meal for someone who is ill or has had a death in the family. Doing something for someone else will take the focus off of your own difficulties and will make you feel better. Helping other people either individually or through an organization will give you a sense of purpose and a reason to get up in the morning.

Having the dual diagnosis of major depression and substance use disorder can seem overwhelming, but with professional mental health treatment and self-help measures, you will find relief and recovery.

At Enlightened Recovery, we understand that substance abuse frequently has at its roots a mental health issue like depression. It is imperative to treat the mental health issues as well as the addiction as the needs of the whole person must be addressed in order for treatment to be effective. Enlightened Recovery offers a comprehensive recovery program rooted in the 12-Step philosophy. We create a custom treatment plan for each patient based on their needs and goals for recovery. We offer traditional psychotherapy as well as a host of alternative therapies that include sound healing, art and music therapy, acupuncture and chiropractic work, massage, yoga and meditation classes, equine therapy, and family constellation therapy.  We are located on the southern shore of New Jersey. If you or someone you love is struggling with an addiction to drugs or alcohol, and looking for a place to begin their journey of recovery, call us at (833) 801-5483.

 

Do You Have a Drinking Problem?

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Drinking alcohol is part of everyday life for many people, and some people suffer no ill effects as a result. They go out for drinks with friends from time to time, they enjoy wine with a nice meal, or perhaps they fix themselves a cocktail when they get home from work. They don’t drive after drinking; drinking doesn’t interfere with their work or other responsibilities, and drinking doesn’t cause problems in their personal relationships.

For other people, their drinking habit isn’t working out so well. They find that they are spending more time drinking. They occasionally call in sick when they have had a “few too many” the night before, and this is happening more frequently–alcohol is interfering with their responsibilities. Arguments with their spouse or significant other may be happening more often and might be about their drinking. They may have a few drinks thinking that they will be more relaxed and instead find themselves being less patient with their children.

Many people can probably relate to some of the examples described in the second paragraph. If you do, you may want to examine your drinking habits and your relationship with alcohol. Ultimately, it’s up to each of us to determine whether or not we have a drinking problem, but there are some general guidelines to consider when making that determination.

Your Drinking May Be Problematic If…

If any of the following are true for you, it may be an indication that your drinking is getting out of control.

  • You find that you are drinking more than you planned to with some regularity
  • You are drinking more frequently than you did in the past
  • You have trouble sticking to self-imposed limits–you decide that you are going to have three drinks and end up drinking more
  • When you are going out to eat you will only choose restaurants that serve alcohol
  • You feel guilty or ashamed about your drinking
  • You make an effort to hide your drinking, like pouring your drink into a coffee mug
  • The only way you can relax is with a drink
  • You are spending more time drinking 
  • You frequently have five or more drinks at one time, which is considered “binge” drinking
  • You are becoming more irritated with friends and family after drinking
  • Family members and friends have told you that they are worried about your drinking
  • You have been injured while drinking
  • You have been arrested for your behavior while drinking, including driving under the influence
  • It’s becoming more difficult for you to handle your responsibilities at work or at home
  • You experience “blackouts” or “brownouts” while drinking–a full or partial memory loss where you still walk and talk and appear to be functioning
  • You need a drink in the morning most days
  • You need a drink to feel “normal” physically and mentally
  • You can’t stop drinking, even though you have tried

If You Decide to Quit Drinking

If you decide that your drinking is a problem, you are not alone and help is readily available. If you want to stop drinking, depending on how much you have been drinking and for how long, you may want to detox under medical supervision. Check with your doctor or other health care provider because withdrawal from alcohol can be life-threatening.

You may want to enter a formal treatment program if you decide to stop drinking alcohol. Treatment facilities vary in what programs they offer–some offer treatment on an out-patient basis and some are residential programs. Some centers offer medically supervised detox while others are designed for patients to enter after they have completed detox. Centers vary in the treatment modalities they offer as well.

No matter what, after you stop drinking you will need a support system. Deciding to stop drinking is a major change and it will be easier for you to stick with it if you have the support of people who have been where you are now or who are going through what you are currently experiencing. Two well-known support programs are Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Self-Management and Recovery Training (SMART Recovery). 

AA was founded in the 1930s. The organization describes itself as an “international fellowship of men and women who have had a drinking problem. It is nonprofessional, self-supporting, multiracial, apolitical, and available almost anywhere. There are no age or education requirements, Membership is open to anyone who wants to do something about his or her drinking problem.” During the COVID-19 pandemic, meetings are available online or in-person if local guidelines allow. For more information, visit https://www.aa.org.

SMART Recovery is a “global community of mutual support groups. At meetings, participants help one another resolve problems with any addiction (to drugs or alcohol or to activities such as gambling or over-eating). Participants find and develop the power within themselves to change and lead fulfilling and balanced lives.” For more information about SMART Recovery, visit https://www.smartrecovery.org.

If you are concerned about your use of alcohol, help is available. Enlightened Recovery is a substance abuse treatment center located on the New Jersey shore. We are also licensed to treat co-occurring disorders, like depression or bipolar disorder, that often accompany or lead to substance abuse. We offer a range of treatment options tailored to the specific needs and goals of each individual patient.  These treatment options include traditional psychotherapy, both individually and in a group setting. We also offer a number of holistic treatment modalities, including family constellation therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral treatment (DBT), art and music therapy, yoga and meditation classes, acupuncture and chiropractic care, equine therapy, and sound therapy. In addition, our life skills offerings include education about nutrition and wellness to aid in healing the body and mind. If you are ready to change your relationship with alcohol, call us at (833) 801-5483.

 

The Positive Aspects of Stopping Drinking

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Whether you give up drinking for a week, a month, or forever, you will notice tremendous benefits in many areas of your life.

Many people “dry out” in January, and some people decide to make it a permanent choice based on how much better they feel sober. If you have been drinking heavily for an extended period of time, going “cold turkey” can be dangerous and potentially fatal. Consult with your doctor, who may recommend that you quit drinking with medical supervision.

While giving up alcohol can be challenging, many people who do stop drinking find that what they gain in time, money, and health make it very worthwhile. 

Your Wallet and Calendar Will Thank You

It’s no secret that alcohol is expensive, especially if you drink in bars and restaurants. Alcohol has a high mark-up; when you order a $9 glass of wine at a bar or restaurant, you could probably buy the entire bottle at a store for $12. If you are in the habit of stopping in for a drink on your way home from work for two glasses of wine, at $9 per glass, you would spend $90 a week on your wine, not including tax and tip. Add to that you may want to have an appetizer with that wine, which adds to your bill. If you are drinking, you may wisely decide to leave your car in the parking lot and take a Lyft or Uber home, which is an additional cost. And if you were to shop after your two glasses of wine, you may find that your judgment is slightly impaired and that you make purchases that you shouldn’t.

If you stop drinking for a month, for example, you may find that you have more time. If you cut out your Happy Hour habit, you will gain back an hour or two every day that you can use to do something else, quite possibly something that you enjoy more or that is better for you. You will also gain back the time that you spend feeling a little bit under the influence and perhaps tired. If you used to overindulge occasionally, you will now not spend that time recovering from drinking too much the night before.

Your Body Will Thank You

The physical benefits of giving up alcohol are numerous. If you stop drinking, you may find that you lose weight for several reasons. Alcohol is often referred to as “empty” calories, meaning that alcoholic beverages have calories but provide very little nutrition. A twelve-ounce serving of beer has approximately 150 calories and a glass of wine has 120 calories on average. Drinks made with fruit juice or soda typically have more calories. Some people enjoy eating when they are drinking, which adds additional calories, and the food choices that people make when drinking aren’t always the best. Additionally, your body can’t store the calories from alcohol for later. This means that the alcohol calories get used first, so your body might not get around to using the calories from the nachos you ate, never mind the excess that your body has stored as fat.

If you stop drinking you may find that you sleep better. When you are drinking, you may fall asleep easily but find that you wake up during the night. This can interrupt your REM sleep, which leaves your brain sleep deprived. REM cycles of sleep restore your brain. Alcohol can also increase your risk of having sleep apnea, which is more frequent-than-normal pauses in breathing while asleep, or shallow breathing. Sleep apnea can leave you feeling tired during the day and can lead to serious health problems, including heart disease.

Other physical benefits of not drinking include being less accident-prone, improving your digestion, strengthening your immune system, feeling more energetic, staying more hydrated, and having better-looking skin.

Your Brain Will Thank You

The mental benefits of not drinking are numerous. After you stop drinking you may find that you are thinking more clearly, that it’s easier to concentrate and focus, and that your memory improves. If you have issues with anxiety or depression you may find that those conditions improve when you give up drinking. You may also find that your relationships are better and that you feel much more “present” in your life. It may become easier for you to make genuine connections with people. 

If you are ready to embrace a life free of drugs or alcohol and the many benefits associated with a sober lifestyle, the staff at Enlightened Recovery is ready to help you. Enlightened Recovery is located on the south New Jersey shore and is a licensed co-occurring treatment center, meaning that in addition to addiction they can treat the mental health issues that often occur with substance abuse. The staff at Enlightened Recovery develops an individual treatment plan for each patient based on their needs and their goals for recovery. The programs are rooted in the 12-Step philosophy and include traditional talk therapy as well as a range of holistic treatment modalities, including family constellation therapy, art and music therapy, acupuncture and chiropractic treatment, massage, art and music therapy, and equine therapy. If you are looking for treatment for drug or alcohol abuse call Enlightened Recovery at (833) 801-5483 today.

Can Animals Be Therapists?

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It is said that man’s best friend is a dog. Can a dog also be man’s best therapist?

Anyone who loves animals knows how nice it is to come home to a dog who’s glad to see you, particularly after a bad day: to stroke a cat’s fur and listen to the kitty purr; to cuddle a nice, soft bunny; to saddle up a horse and go for a ride, or even to watch fish swimming placidly in their aquarium. All of these actions contribute to a sense of calm and well-being.

While a beloved pet will never take the place of a trained therapist, spending time with an animal provides both physical and mental health benefits that can aid in recovery.

Benefits of Having a Pet or Spending Time With Animals

According to an article that was published on the National Institutes of Health (NIH) website, owning a pet can decrease stress, improve a person’s overall cardiovascular health, and can decrease the levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) circulating in a person’s system and increase the levels of oxytocin. Decreasing the levels of cortisol can lower blood pressure, prevent weight gain, boost energy levels, improve brain function, and strengthen the immune system. Increased levels of oxytocin contribute to the ability to form connections. A study conducted by the Federation Cynologique Internationale suggests that children who have pets in their homes develop stronger immune systems than do children in homes without pets.

An article in Psychology Today says that spending time with animals can be beneficial to people diagnosed with major depressive disorder, schizophrenia, and substance use disorder. Spending time with animals can contribute to feelings of calmness, comfort, and safety, and forming a bond with an animal can help people develop better self-esteem, improve their ability to trust and form connections, and improve socialization and communication skills. A study of adolescents with type 1 diabetes demonstrated that taking care of fish correlated to the teens better managing their diabetes.

Having a pet also lowers your cholesterol level, decreases triglycerides (fats carried in the blood), decreases feelings of loneliness, increases your opportunities to get exercise and spend time outdoors, and makes it easier to form connections with other people. If you have a tendency to isolate because of depression or feelings of shame surrounding addiction, having a dog can be a great way to get out of your head, get out of the house, and meet some other people.

If pet ownership isn’t a possibility, perhaps because you rent in a place that doesn’t allow animals, you are in college and live in a dorm, or you or someone in your household is allergic to animals, you can still have some of the benefits of being around animals. Go to a pet store and spend some time watching the animals there. If your area has an aquarium, zoo, or living museum, pay them a visit. Volunteer at an animal shelter or an animal rescue society. Find work as a dog walker or take care of people’s pets when they travel. 

Animals in Medical and Other Settings

Because of the mental and health benefits that spending time with animals brings to people, animals are used in more formal settings as well. This idea is not new. An article on animal-assisted therapy (AAT) published on the Alliance of Therapy Dogs website says that the ancient Greeks used companion animals to help people with physical and mental illnesses. Hippocrates, the Greek doctor considered to be the founder of medicine, thought that there was great therapeutic value in horseback riding. In the 1960s, child psychologist Boris Levinson is considered to be the father of AAT. Levinson began bringing his dog, Jingles, to work with him and found that when he did so that the children’s therapy sessions were more productive. Children were more at ease and communicative when Jingles was in the session. 

Now therapy dogs (typically well-trained pets) make the rounds at some selected hospitals, nursing homes, hospice facilities, addiction treatment centers, and prisons. According to an article published by the Mayo Clinic, the use of therapy dogs can “significantly reduce pain, anxiety, depression, and fatigue in people with a range of health problems.” These health problems include children undergoing dental procedures, cancer patients receiving treatment, patients with dementia, and veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Prisons use therapy dogs to “reduce violence and anti-social behaviors, cases of suicide, and drug addiction.”

Some airports now use therapy dogs as well, which was implemented after 9/11. According to Vane Airport Media, Inc., as of 2018, 58 airports in the United States had some sort of therapy dog program. For example, the Wag Brigade has been a tail-wagging presence at the San Francisco International Airport since 2013. The Wag Brigade now has 22 therapy dogs and one Juliana -breed pig, who enjoys playing her toy piano. The therapy animals all wear vests that say “Pet Me.” The Wag Brigade is a partnership between the airport and the San Francisco SPCA.

Animal-Assisted Therapy in Addiction Recovery

Because of the mental and physical health benefits associated with being around animals, many treatment facilities incorporate some type of animal-assisted therapy into their programs. Activities will vary depending on the facility and the client, but can include grooming and feeding the horses, taking care of the tack, and cleaning out stables. Many programs also incorporate riding. Equine therapy lends itself well to recovery programs because working around horses can help people to identify and process their feelings. 

The ancient Greeks were right: animals are good for people. Don’t fire your therapist, but do find a friendly animal to be part of your life.

Spending time with animals is good for your physical and mental health. Because of this, Enlightened Recovery includes equine therapy as part of the holistic treatment modalities that they offer to patients working to overcome addiction or mental health issues. Equine therapy has demonstrated success in helping people to identify their feelings, which is part of the healing process. Located on the New Jersey shore, Enlightened Recovery offers alternative therapies to complement the one-on-one and group counseling that they provide. Other alternative therapies that they offer include art and music therapy, Family Constellation Therapy, horticultural therapy, yoga, acupuncture, and chiropractic work. Every patient has a treatment program custom-tailored for him or her based on their individual needs. If you or a loved one are seeking treatment for a substance abuse disorder or a mental health issue, consider Enlightened Recovery. The facility offers treatment in a compassionate and supportive environment. For more information call (833) 801-5483.

 

Suicide Survivor Day: Increasing Awareness of Suicide’s Impact on Those Left Behind

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Suicide Survivor Day: Increasing Awareness of Suicide’s Impact on Those Left Behind

Losing a loved one to suicide is one of the hardest losses to bear. In addition to missing someone you loved, many survivors are left with intense feelings of guilt and may wonder, “How did I miss the signs? I should have known. I should have been able to prevent this.” On top of that, misinformed people may tell you that your loved one’s act of taking his or her own life was selfish, weak, or a misguided bid for attention. While none of that is true, unfeeling comments like that can add a huge weight of guilt to the psychological burden you are already carrying.

History of International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day

In 1999, Senator Harry Reid (now retired) introduced a resolution on the Senate Floor which led to the creation of the International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, held each year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Reid’s father shot himself in 1972 when Reid himself was 32. Reid didn’t speak much about his father’s suicide and its impact on him. When he did, he received an abundance of correspondence. He realized that suicide happens to many people, and devoted part of his career to raising awareness of suicide and improving prevention through legislation.

International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, also called Survivor Day, is sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). According to the AFSP’s website, survivors of suicide loss “come together to find connection, understanding, and hope through their shared experience.” The organization sponsors events and provides resources to those who have experienced a suicide loss. In 2019, the AFSP sponsored 417 events in more than 20 countries. The timing of the day, the Saturday before Thanksgiving, is intentional. Holidays can be especially difficult for those who have experienced the death of a loved one, particularly to suicide.

Magnitude of Suicide

According to the AFSP, in 2018, 132 people died by suicide each day in America or 48,344 in that year. In addition, 1.4 million Americans attempted suicide that year but survived, which means that over 4 million people each year experience the loss of a loved one or an attempt.  Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the country and the second leading cause of death among Americans aged 10 through 34. Suicide also has a ripple effect; one of the risk factors for suicide is having someone close to you die by suicide or make an attempt.

How to Support a Suicide Survivor

Don’t let “not knowing what to say” stop you from reaching out to a friend who has lost a loved one to suicide. The truth is, no one knows what to say, and there really is nothing that anyone can say to make it better. It’s perfectly fine to tell the person that you don’t know what to say but that you are there for them. There are, however, there are some dos and don’ts when talking to someone who has lost somebody to suicide. 

Do not tell your friend that you know what they are going through–you probably don’t. Don’t ask detailed questions about the person’s death, but do listen to what your friend has to say. Take your cues from him or her. And don’t feel like you have to avoid talking about death. Your friend will need people willing to listen.

Refrain from offering advice or platitudes. Don’t tell the survivor that the loved one “is in a better place,” that “everything happens for a reason,” or that “God never gives you more than you can handle.” While these sentiments may be honest expressions of your beliefs or the survivor’s beliefs, they may not want to hear them. Just listen.

Do not make judgments about suicide. Do not tell the survivor that their loved one was weak, cowardly, or looking for attention. Do not blame anyone else for suicide. Ultimately, the person who took the action is responsible for his or her death. The reasons behind the action may never be fully known or understood.

Do offer help specifically. Offer to bring dinner on a certain evening, or to go to the grocery store for them or take the kids to school. If you say, “let me know if you need anything,” you are putting the burden to reach out on them. The survivor may have trouble reaching out, not wanting to be a burden, or they may honestly not know what they need.

Do be willing to talk about the person who died. You will not be reminding the survivor of what happened–the suicide and loss of their loved ones are likely all that they can think about, and they will need to talk about it. The survivor may appreciate hearing your memories of the person who died. Take your conversational cues from them.

Respect the survivor’s healing process, which will take time. It is not helpful to tell them that they need to “get over it,” or that it’s “time to move on.” There is no schedule for grief, and the survivor will never completely “get over” the loss. With time, however, the grief will lessen.

Be a support system for the long haul. The suicide survivor will need support for a long, long time. The days following a death are very busy making arrangements. Many people will call, come by, or send flowers or food. Then after the memorial service, it can get very, very quiet, and lonely. Immediately after the death, the survivor may be in shock, or emotionally numb. In a few months following the death, the full impact of the loss will begin to be felt.

 

If you or someone you love is having suicidal thoughts, help is available:

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-(800) 273-TALK (8255)

TTY 1-(800) 799-4889

911 (emergency response)

Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741

 

Enlightened Recovery is a recovery center located on the coast in the southern part of New Jersey. We are also licensed to treat the co-occurring mental health disorders that frequently accompany substance abuse disorders. Mental health disorders, like depression, often accompanies or leads to substance abuse and can lead to suicide. We offer a range of treatment options, which are tailored to the needs of each individual client. These services range from traditional talk therapy, both one-on-one and in a group setting, within the framework of the 12-Step philosophy. We also offer a number of holistic treatment modalities including art and music therapy, yoga, and chiropractic treatment. We focus on treating the whole person. If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, please call one of the numbers listed above. If you or a loved one is struggling with addictive behaviors, please call (833) 801-5483.

 

Learning to Say “No” to Alcohol: Practical Tips for Turning Down a Drink in a Social Setting

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If you are not drinking alcohol for any reason, be it weight loss, a decision not to drink, or a medical issue, a challenge you will face is the prevalence of alcohol in our society, both the number of places where it is sold or served and the number of people who choose to drink and think that everybody else should too. It is difficult to find a restaurant that doesn’t serve alcohol–not even fast food restaurants are exempt. There is actually a Taco Bell in Newport Beach, California, that serves alcohol. Alcohol is served at social events, from weddings to wakes and everything in between. Mothers of small children are even encouraged to drink–consider the popular “Mommy Needs Vodka” memes.

The prevalence of alcohol can pose an extra challenge to people who are in recovery, particularly if they are fairly new to a sober lifestyle. However, with a little practice, turning down a drink gets easier.

Alternatives to Alcohol

If you have recently chosen a sober lifestyle or been through recovery, you probably don’t spend much time in bars. There are situations, however, where going to a bar is difficult to avoid. Perhaps you are at a conference, traveling for work, or entertaining clients. Someone suggests that you all meet at the bar before going to dinner. What do you do? It can be helpful to think of a few non-alcoholic beverages that you enjoy before you get into the situation. For example, you might have tonic water with lime, club soda with a splash of cranberry juice, or sparkling water. In addition, with the “sober curious” movement, many bars and restaurants are serving “mocktails,” delicious (hopefully) non-alcoholic concoctions served in attractive glassware. If you arrive before the rest of your group, you can order before other people arrive. Most bartenders are happy to serve your non-alcoholic drink in glassware that isn’t a water tumbler. Your group arrives, you already have a drink, no one thinks anything about it.

If you are at a cocktail party or reception, one strategy that works well is to arm yourself with your nonalcoholic beverage of choice very shortly after arriving. No one will offer to get you a drink if you already have one! Also, you can be the one to offer to get someone else a refill. Get a refill of your favorite non-alcoholic beverage, get them whatever they are having, and graciously hand them their drink. It’s a nice gesture and can help smooth over any potential awkwardness.

If you are at a smaller gathering, like a party in someone’s home perhaps, you could let the host or hostess know that you aren’t drinking if you feel comfortable doing that. You can also offer to help the host or hostess by making sure that everyone else has a drink, moving empty plates to the kitchen, or passing appetizers. There are a couple of benefits to this strategy.  Your hands are full, so no one will offer you a drink, and you will get to circulate and visit with lots of other guests.

To Explain or Not to Explain

Usually, if someone offers you a drink and you don’t want one for whatever reason, a simple “No, thank you” should suffice. Occasionally, someone will make a comment or ask a question. If you feel like it, you could reply that you are in recovery or that you have given up alcohol. Bear in mind, however, that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. There are many responses you can give, and it may help you to navigate social situations like this more comfortably if you have prepared a response ahead of time. A response that can work well is something along the lines of “not right now, thank you,” or “maybe later.” Some people follow that up with a change of subject. You could plead exhaustion, or that you have an early meeting, work-out, flight, or something similar in the morning. You could explain that you are taking medication that doesn’t mix well with alcohol and that your doctor told you not to drink. You can say that you have started a weight loss plan that is fairly restrictive and every calorie counts and you don’t want to use them on alcohol. Some people use humor to deflect the situation: “Trust me, it’s not pretty when I drink!” Bottom line, you only need to tell people what you are comfortable telling them.

Be the Designated Driver

One strategy that can work well for you and your friends is to volunteer to be the designated driver. One woman in recovery said that she still would go out with her friends and offer to be the driver. Her friends were glad to spend time with her and grateful to have safe transportation. Also, there aren’t many people who would try to talk you out of being a safe driver. In fact, some bars, if the bartender knows you are the designated driver, will give you free non-alcoholic drinks all night! On a serious note, offering to be the designated driver could save someone from the legal problems of a drunk driving charge, injury, or even death.

Choose Your Strategy

There are many ways to turn down an unwanted drink. Be the designated driver. Carry a “decoy” drink in your hand. Decide how you are going to answer questions about why you aren’t drinking: a truthful answer, a medical reason, or humor. Whatever you decide to do, be confident. Look the person in the eye and smile. Be firm but kind. Whatever you choose, when you leave the event having stuck to your plan, you will feel good about yourself.

You don’t have to stay home just because you no longer drink. Part of choosing a sober lifestyle is about developing strategies to turn down alcohol while still enjoying social events and spending time with friends and colleagues. Time spent with loved ones helps to avoid feelings of loneliness, isolation, and boredom–all of which could trigger a relapse. Part of recovery is learning not to project your situation with alcohol onto other people–use does not equal abuse. Meeting people where they are in terms of their alcohol use is important to fostering and maintaining healthy relationships. A good recovery program will give you the skills you need to navigate social situations involving alcohol with ease and confidence. At Enlightened Recovery, we can help you with every aspect of your path to recovery through our traditional and alternative therapies. If you or a loved one has questions or concerns about their alcohol consumption, call (833) 801-5483.

 

Your Loved One Entered a Treatment Facility for a Problem With Drugs or Alcohol: Now What?

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It finally happened. You loved one who has been struggling with a drug or alcohol problem has entered a treatment facility. It could be a partner, a son or daughter, or a sibling. What happens now?

First of all, know that your loved one is where they need to be to get the care they need to recover from the addiction. The facility is staffed by medical and mental health professionals, and your loved one is with other people who are facing the same challenges that they are.

The first step on your loved one’s path to recovery is usually medically assisted detox to safely get their body used to being without the abused substance. Next, the client’s therapeutic program will be planned based on the client’s unique needs. The treatment plan will include individual therapy, group therapy, and therapy sessions with the client’s family. Many treatment facilities will also incorporate a range of alternative therapies as well. These could include chiropractic care, acupuncture, yoga, meditation, art and music therapy, and a range of other therapies. Many treatment facilities incorporate life skills training into their programs, particularly nutrition and wellness. In addition, most facilities offer follow-up care, recognizing that recovery is a lifelong journey for many people.

Family Support Is Vital to Success in Recovery

Because of the importance of family support, a great many recovery programs include programs for family members and other important people in the client’s life. Family involvement has been demonstrated to reduce the risk of relapse and can be very encouraging to the client. Many facilities offer educational sessions for family members designed to provide families with information about addiction and the ways in which the entire family has been affected by the client’s substance abuse, issues that are likely to occur in recovery, and ways in which the family can help the client.

Many facilities also have therapy sessions for family members to give them a safe space to process what they are going through. These tend to be group therapy sessions with other families who have a loved one in the treatment facility. In addition, there may be therapy sessions with the client and his family members. 

About Setting Boundaries

One issue that families of people going through recovery may have trouble with is setting boundaries, and therapy for family members can be helpful with that. Part of the difficulty may stem from confusion about what a boundary is. “All healthy relationships are based on accepting others’ rights,” writes Kathy Lang in a recent blog, “When we respect each other’s rights, we are recognizing our boundaries. Boundaries are guidelines that define what we feel are permissible ways for other people to treat us.” Clear boundaries, she adds, can improve relationships. A part of setting boundaries for families of people in recovery is thinking about changes that they may need to make in their own lives. For example, if your loved one is in treatment, it is vital that you remember that their addiction is not your fault and that you can’t fix them. You also should not be overprotective because, “When you’re protecting them from their own pain, you’re standing in the way of their reason to stop [the addictive behavior]” (heysigmund.com).

The Importance of Compassion in Countering Shame

When coping with a family member who is struggling with an addiction, while it is important to set boundaries, it is also important to treat your loved one with compassion.Treating your loved one with compassion doesn’t mean turning yourself into a doormat, but it doesn’t necessarily mean “tough love” either. When family members begin to interact with the substance abuser in “ways that promote positive behavioral change,” writes therapist and author Beverly Engel, “not only do they find ways to get their loved one into treatment, but the family members themselves feel better–specifically showing decreases in anger, anxiety, and medical problems.”

It is very important to not shame your loved one. He or she is already laboring under a heavy burden of shame. To treat the substance abuser with compassion means letting him or her know that we see them and recognize that they are suffering, that we hear them. We recognize their suffering and acknowledge the fact that they have a right to their feelings. We let the substance abuser know that we respect them as a fellow human and we offer comfort. “Compassion is especially effective when it comes to healing substance abuse problems, especially the issue of shame,” continues Engel. “Addiction and shame are closely connected….And, as it turns out, compassion is the only thing that can counteract the isolating, stigmatizing, debilitating poison of shame.” Engel also says that family members of substance abusers need to show compassion to themselves. Family members need to recognize their own hurt and anger and find a way to release their anger and disappointment. 

There is another benefit to treating the substance abuser with compassion–it benefits the family member as well. “We are wired to respond to others in need,” writes Engel, who adds that when we show compassion to others, our heart rate goes down. “Kindness, support, encouragement, and compassion have a huge impact on our brains, bodies, and general sense of well-being….It’s good for us.”

Watching someone you love struggle with substance use disorder is very painful. You will feel many emotions that could include guilt, worry, fear, and anger. “Is it my fault? How do I help them? How do I keep them safe without enabling their addiction? Why is this happening to me? To my family? I didn’t sign up for this!” Because of these powerful emotions, many treatment facilities have therapy and educational sessions for family members. These sessions give family members a safe place to process their emotions and a chance to be with other families who are going through the same experience. It is very healing to know that you are not alone. In addition, substance use is viewed as a family disease, in that every member of the family is affected by the substance abusers actions and choices. For more information on treatment and family programs, call Enlightened Recovery at (833) 801-5483.

 

Trauma and Addiction: Unearthing Your Hidden Emotions

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Discovering the underlying causes of your addictive behaviors can be a transformative experience. You may be hiding or masking emotional pain by engaging in compulsive behaviors that do not serve to heal you. Uncovering your hidden emotions may be painful and you may have built up powerful defenses to protect yourself.

Traumatic experiences can lead to numerous unhealthy thought and behavioral patterns. Some people develop disorders, such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) following scary, disturbing, or life-threatening events. PTSD and other trauma-related disorders can affect both the body and the mind.

As you engage in the process of recovery, you may discover that you have been holding on to past traumas in life. Recovery may be challenging and you may have to face these traumatic memories to heal from them.

Trauma: Natural Responses to Danger

Trauma is caused by a natural response to threats or danger. You, and all other people, have a strong instinct for survival and powerful ways of escaping or fighting off threats to your life. We all have what is known as a “flight or fight” response when our lives are threatened. The flight or fight response gives us the energy and strength needed to either run from (flight) or physically challenge (fight) any perceived threats to our lives.

While the flight or fight response worked well for human beings before building civilizations and social structures, we rarely encounter the same kind of threats that our instinctual drive was meant to handle. Animals do not experience trauma as humans do, as animals use the flight or fight energy in response to threats. People, however, tend to face dangerous situations that we cannot run from or fight.

As a result, we hold onto our trauma, as we are unable to release the energy that builds up in us to run or fight. Our bodies may manifest this energy in the form of disorders or other cognitive impairments. We may develop fear when facing similar situations, even when the threat is no longer there. We may experience flashbacks or feel frightened easily.

We may have a difficult time recalling or thinking about past events due to traumatic pain. We may blame ourselves for not running or fighting in situations where we were threatened. As you begin to heal in recovery, you may begin to realize things about your past that you have repressed or tried to forget.

You may be using substances or alcohol as a way of distracting or numbing yourself from experiencing these painful thoughts and memories. Recovery can truly begin when you learn to face the underlying issues of your addictions.

Facing Trauma: Experiencing Pain to Heal and Grow

While traumatic events can be painful to recall, many of your peers in recovery have also experienced trauma in their lives. You are not alone in your pain! You may find that having peers who relate to your experiences can encourage you to talk about your trauma.

By joining in peer discussion groups, you may realize that others have similar emotions and underlying stressors contributing to their addictive behaviors. If during your recovery you begin to uncover painful emotions related to trauma, you can begin to heal from this pain in safe and supportive environments.

Support and Safety: Learning to Heal

Traumatic experiences may leave us feeling like we are constantly in danger. We may feel unsafe in any situation that reminds us of our trauma. When we are constantly in places that make us feel threatened, opening up emotionally and being vulnerable can be difficult.

During your recovery, you may be in safe and therapeutic environments more frequently. Being around people who are non-threatening and helpful can provide you with the environment needed to heal from trauma. You may need to relive and re-experience painful memories from your past, but during treatment in recovery, you can develop support networks of people that you trust.

As you spend more and more time around trustworthy people and in safe spaces, you may begin to feel differently about the world around you. Once you can trust the immediate environment, you can begin to expose your emotions to learn better ways of coping with your pain.

Your addictive behaviors may have been your way of dealing with trauma. Addictions to alcohol or other drugs only numb you from true growth and change. Addictive behaviors distract you and keep you from moving forward. You can find better ways of coping by being vulnerable and allowing yourself to face your past traumas.

Many of us in recovery have experienced trauma in our past. We may have grown up in troubled households, survived abusive relationships, or faced immediate life-threatening experiences that have left an imprint upon our psyche. The impact of trauma can be devastating and we may feel hopeless in healing or fearful of experiencing painful emotions. Finding a safe and supportive environment can provide us with the care we need to expose our pasts. Only when we face the past, can we learn to move forward. We can meet others who can relate to our experiences and build resiliency to recover from our addictions. Enlightened Recovery understands that trauma can be a cause of addictions for many people. We have alternative approaches to recovery treatment and aim to uncover the underlying causes of addiction. Call us at (833) 801-5483 to begin your path to healing.

7 Excuses People Give for Not Getting Help for Addiction

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If you have a loved one with a substance use disorder, you have probably encouraged them to get help only to be constantly rebuffed. It may have even led to arguments or fights. It can be terribly frustrating to watch drugs and alcohol destroy the life of someone you care about and be unable to stop it. Often, a better approach to encouraging treatment is being willing to listen without judgment.

Not only will this help you better understand what your loved one is experiencing, but this kind of compassion is also often more persuasive than all the pressure tactics in your arsenal. You may hear some of the following excuses people give for not getting help, identified by the National Survey of Drug Use and Health.

“I Don’t Have a Problem”

Approximately 95% of people with substance use disorders who don’t seek help just don’t believe they have a problem. Some of these people legitimately don’t see their drinking or drug use as excessive or problematic, while others are in denial, and others are aware they have a problem but they are too afraid to do anything about it and insist that everything is fine.

If you spend all your time around other people with substance use issues, your baseline for normal use may be off. If your loved one really believes they don’t have a problem despite overwhelming evidence that they do, it may be time for an intervention. At the very least, they will no longer be able to ignore the ample evidence of a substance use disorder. Interventions led by experienced facilitators have a good track record of getting people into treatment.

“I’m Not Ready to Quit”

When a loved one tells you they realize they have a problem but they aren’t ready to quit, it can be even more exasperating than flat out denial. To the average person, if drugs and alcohol are causing serious problems in your life, it’s time to quit. However, if they don’t quit, it means they have some compelling reason. This is when it is particularly important to listen and try to understand your loved one’s ambivalence.

Most people with substance use issues don’t use drugs and alcohol just because they love them so much—although that’s certainly true sometimes—but rather because drugs and alcohol help them cope with some kind of pain, often resulting from trauma or abuse.

Whatever the case, quitting feels like giving up something vitally important, whether it’s a way of coping with challenging emotions or a way of connecting with friends. It’s important to understand this if you want to help them move forward.

“I Can’t Afford It”

People often believe that addiction treatment is for rich people but in reality, there are treatment options for every budget. If you have no money at all, there might be 12-step meetings or free clinics in your area. If you have a little money at your disposal or decent health insurance, you can see a therapist who specializes in substance use issues. Moving up, you can look into outpatient programs and residential programs.

There is even a wide range of prices for these programs and the most expensive ones aren’t necessarily the best. There are more ways than ever to pay for addiction treatment, including insurance and government programs. Treatment programs usually have people who can help you figure out how to afford treatment. While whatever help you might be able to afford might not be exactly what you need, it’s still better than no help at all.

“It Will Affect My Job”

This is one of the more pragmatic objections to treatment. It’s true, for example, that there is still a stigma attached to addiction and it’s true that taking time off for treatment might mean missing some opportunities for advancement. However, there are several important things to note. First, your employer can’t fire you for taking time off for addiction treatment. The Family Medical Leave Act will protect your job for up to 12 weeks.

Second, there are a lot of treatment options that won’t require you to miss work at all. You can go to 12-step meetings, see a therapist, or enter outpatient treatment while still living at home and going to work.

Third, a substance use disorder will also affect your job sooner or later. Addiction is a progressive disease and even if you are able to keep it from affecting your job performance right now, your work will likely suffer in the future. It’s far better to do something about your substance use on your own terms, rather than waiting for your boss to notice, assuming they haven’t already.

“I Don’t Want People to Know”

As noted above, the stigma of addiction is still very real, despite progress in recent years. It’s a legitimate concern, especially for people whose livelihoods depend on their reputation. As with work, your friends, family, and neighbors will eventually notice your substance use and it’s better to address it on your own terms. Treatment programs and therapists are bound by the same confidentiality as doctors and hospitals, so your best chance of keeping your substance use issues private is to be proactive about getting them under control.

“I Don’t Know Where to Get Treatment”

This is another pragmatic challenge. Although it seems like treatment programs are everywhere these days, it’s hard to know who to trust. Even among quality, reputable treatment programs, not every program is a good fit for every person. Choosing a good treatment program may feel completely hopeless to someone with a substance use issue, especially if they have a co-occurring condition such as major depression or an anxiety disorder.

Be willing to thoroughly research the most appropriate treatment program for your loved one. If you don’t know where to start, more often than not your doctor, therapist, and even your local church will have a list of resources for you to contact.

“I Can Quit on My Own”

Finally, some people with substance use disorders like to believe that they could quit if they really wanted to, and don’t think they need treatment or any accountability. In reality, one typical sign of addiction is trying to quit but being unable to. When your loved one says they want to quit on their own, they’re still trying to pretend they have control over a situation they lost control of a long time ago.

If they insist on taking this approach, discuss specific plans, goals, and timelines for quitting. Set up clear lines and methods of accountability, such as “How long, specifically, will it take you to get sober?” and “How do you intend to accomplish it?” You can also ask “How can I know you’re really not drinking or using in secret?” It’s great if these questions and methods of accountability can effectively work. If not, it strengthens your case for getting your loved one into a more structured plan of treatment.

Getting someone you love to accept treatment for a substance use disorder is one of the biggest challenges you’ll ever face. Addiction tends to make people deceptive and willing to do anything to avoid quitting. Knowing some of the common excuses can help prepare you for the challenge.

At Enlightened Recovery, we know that the roots of addiction are complex. It’s difficult for people to come to terms with having a problem and it’s difficult to face the reasons for the problem. That’s why we strive to create a supportive, positive environment that uses both modern therapeutic techniques and ancient wellness practices, such as yoga and meditation. To learn more about our approach to treatment, call us today at (833) 801-5483.