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Navigating Your First Year of Sobriety

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Healthy Living, Sober Living. No Comments on Navigating Your First Year of Sobriety

You did it. You recognized that you had a problem with drugs or alcohol, you sought out treatment, and now you are ready to embrace your new, substance-free lifestyle.

Being newly sober is wonderful and exhilarating, and you may feel like your life is beginning all over again. The first year can also be challenging as well, says the staff at Enlightened Recovery, a treatment center for drug and alcohol addiction that is also licensed to treat the mental health issues that frequently accompany substance use disorders. The first year of sobriety can be a fragile time in a person’s life, and relapses do occur. So what can you do to make your first year successful?

Consider a Sober Living House

After completing a treatment program, you may want to live in a sober living house for a time if that is appropriate for your situation. (If you are married with children, for example, you will probably need and want to go home to be with your family). A sober living house is a facility that provides a structured and supportive living situation for people who have finished treatment programs for drug or alcohol abuse. These facilities provide a transition to mainstream society from the highly structured environment of a treatment program.

Moving into a sober living house can have many benefits, but the most important one is that you will be surrounded by people who are all focused on recovery. In addition, at a sober living house, all the residents have responsibilities related to maintaining the house, but not as many as you may have in your own home. This lightened responsibility leaves you with more time to focus on your recovery.

Create a Routine

One of the most important steps you can take in early recovery is to create a routine for yourself. In treatment, you followed a highly structured and very busy routine. If you aren’t returning to a  job or school, you may find yourself with lots of spare time on your hands. Before treatment, you may have spent a lot of time with your abused substance of choice and if you have time to fill it can be easy to slip back into old, self-destructive habits. Boredom can often lead to relapse.

Recovery is about more than cutting out your substance abuse; recovery is about filling your time with life- and soul-affirming habits. Your routine in recovery should include the healthy habits that you want to incorporate into your life.

One of the habits you will want to develop is that of planning and eating nutritious meals. During the time when you were abusing your substance of choice, eating healthy meals may not have been uppermost in your mind. Part of recovery is healing your body and you need nutritious meals to do that.

Another habit you may need to develop in recovery is making time for regular exercise. Exercise has tremendous benefits, both physical and mental, including reduced stress, lower blood pressure, and improved sleep. In addition, exercising is a terrific way to take up the time that you used to spend drinking or abusing drugs. The most important thing to remember in choosing an exercise is to pick a form of exercise that you enjoy, be it training for a marathon, taking ballet class six days a week, or rock climbing. (Be sure to check with your health care provider before beginning your exercise program.)

You will also want to make time for a spiritual practice. You may want to affiliate with a faith community, attend regular services, and study that tradition’s holy texts. You may want to begin your mornings with meditation and prayer. You may want to start a yoga practice and combine spirituality with physicality. You may find that you are more in touch with the spiritual aspect of yourself when you are in nature and can make it a point to regularly spend time in the natural world. Whatever spiritual practice resonates with you, know that spirituality is an important part of your recovery and should be a part of your regular routine.

Seek Support From Other People

You don’t need to recover from addiction on your own; in fact, you probably shouldn’t. When you are in recovery, especially in your first year of sobriety, the help from other people will be invaluable.

The most obvious place to seek support will be from other people in recovery because they know exactly what you are going through. Attending support group meetings usually begins while you are still in treatment and will be important to you throughout your life. If you went through treatment in the community where you live, you may already be in a support group; if not, you should find one. Many people in recovery choose to go to 12-Step meetings and many treatment centers incorporate the 12-Step tenets into their programs. Twelve-Step meetings are available worldwide and many meetings are substance-specific, including Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, and Crystal Meth Anonymous. Other people in recovery choose to attend SMART Recovery meetings, another abstinence-oriented program. Many people also find that working with a therapist is very helpful in recovery. In addition, you may find that some of your friends and family members are supportive of your recovery and will help you maintain sobriety.

The first year of recovery is a very exciting time, but it can be challenging as well. To be successful, you will need to establish healthy habits. At Enlightened Recovery, we will teach you the life skills that you need to build a solid foundation for a lasting recovery. Enlightened Recovery is a drug and alcohol treatment center licensed to treat co-occurring disorders. We are located on New Jersey’s southern shore and rooted in the 12-Step tradition. Our focus is on treating the whole person and we develop an individualized treatment plan for each patient. Our treatment program combines traditional talk therapy, both one-on-one and in a group setting, with ancient wellness practices, including meditation and yoga. We offer a number of holistic treatment modalities including Family Constellation Therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), art and music therapy, sound therapy, acupuncture, chiropractic care, equine therapy, and nutritional education. If you or a loved one are struggling with substance abuse and are ready to break free of a life controlled by drugs and alcohol, call us at (833) 801-5483 to learn more about our programs.

How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution to Quit Drinking

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Addiction, Sober Living. No Comments on How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution to Quit Drinking

Maybe you have been concerned about your drinking for some time. Maybe you worry that you drink too much or that you drink too often. Maybe you have had an experience that frightened you, like waking up in the morning and realizing that you don’t remember the night before. Whatever your reasons, you have decided to quit drinking for good. Lots of people make New Year’s resolutions, but very few resolutions last until February. Some people do keep their resolutions, but how?  By using some or all of the tips listed below, you will be able to keep your resolution and begin your new life alcohol-free.

Put It in Writing

Write it down. Write down that you are not going to drink alcohol anymore. Think about your “why.” Why did you decide to stop drinking? Was it to lose weight? Do you want to improve your health? Do you want to live a longer and healthier life? Do you want to have more energy to play with your children? Do you want to save money? Whatever your “why,” write it down and visualize your alcohol-free life.

Think About Why You Drink

Spend some time thinking about why you drink. Maybe spend some time writing in a journal to identify the reason or reasons that you drink. Do you drink when you’re bored? Do you drink to have fun with your friends? Are you using alcohol to cope with stress? Are you using alcohol as a way to avoid painful emotions? Many people find it useful to spend some time in therapy when they stop drinking to think about why they are drinking and to address the reasons that are behind the behavior.

Don’t Go It Alone

You don’t have to give up drinking on your own. Tell close friends and family members, at least those who you know will be supportive. You may be surprised at how much support you receive. You may find that someone close to you wants to stop drinking as well and, if that is the case, you can encourage each other on your journeys. Also, many people find it helpful to join a support group, like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or SMART Recovery. Both organizations have meetings, free of charge, all over the world.

Learn New Coping Mechanisms

Many people drink as a way of coping with stress or painful life experiences and situations. Alcohol does make you feel better, but it’s only temporary. Many people report that the day after drinking they suffer from “hangxiety”–feeling more anxious after drinking than they did before. Finding new coping mechanisms can help. Meditation and prayer can help to reduce stress, as well as exercise. Exercising 30 minutes a day, three to five times a week can have a wonderful effect on your stress level as well as your blood pressure, your cardiovascular health, and your respiratory system. Some people report that writing in a journal helps to reduce stress and helps them identify solutions to problems that they are facing.

Find Ways to Stay Busy

When you stop drinking, you may find yourself wondering what to do during the time that you used to drink, and it’s important to stay busy. If you used to go to Happy Hour before you went home from work, you may find that that is a great time to attend a meeting of the support group you joined. You may find that going for a nice, long run relaxes you more than a drink ever did.

Decide How You Will Handle Social Situations That Include Alcohol

Although you may decide to avoid social situations that include alcohol, there may be an event that you just can’t get out of–perhaps a work function, a family wedding, or a close friend’s birthday party. Think about what you will say when someone offers you a drink if you feel that you need to say anything beyond “no, thank you.”  “I have an early meeting,” “I have an early flight tomorrow,” or “I’m training for a marathon and my coach doesn’t want me to drink” are all perfectly acceptable. Remember, however, that you don’t owe anyone any explanations.

Think About Treatment

Depending on how much you’ve been drinking and for how long, you may want to go through a treatment program. Many programs begin with a medically supervised detox, which is the safest and most comfortable way to get the alcohol out of your system. In addition, in a treatment program, you will be able to focus your attention on learning the new skills that will get you started on your alcohol-free journey.

If you are ready to say goodbye to alcohol, the staff at Enlightened Recovery are ready to walk with you as you begin your journey of recovery. We are licensed to treat co-occurring mental health disorders that frequently accompany alcohol use disorder, such as anxiety and depression. We offer a range of treatment options, which are tailored to meet the needs of each individual who comes through our doors. The services we offer include traditional talk therapy, both one-on-one and in a group setting, anchored in the 12-Step philosophy. We also offer a number of holistic therapeutic modalities including art and music therapy, yoga, acupuncture, chiropractic adjustments, equine therapy, and horticultural therapy. At Enlightened Recovery, located in New Jersey, our goal is to treat the whole person, not just the addiction. If you are struggling with alcohol or drug abuse and ready to be free, please call us at (833) 801-5483.

Exploring the Relationship Between Addiction and Trauma

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Addiction Recovery, Sober Living. No Comments on Exploring the Relationship Between Addiction and Trauma

When we hear the word “trauma,” many of us think of a soldier returning from combat duty and suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But trauma doesn’t only come from experiences in military service. Trauma can come from myriad events, including being the victim of, or witness to, violent crime; experiencing physical, sexual, or emotional abuse; developing a serious illness or chronic health condition; sustaining a serious injury; being in a car accident, or losing a loved one. In addition, a person doesn’t have to meet all the clinical criteria of PTSD to be suffering from trauma.

In thinking about trauma, it’s important to understand that everyone has a unique experience with trauma–what causes PTSD in one person may barely cause a reaction in another. For example, two women are in car accidents. Both sustain non-life-threatening injuries, and the cars are totaled. The first woman recovers from her injuries, gets another car, and goes on with her life. The second woman recovers from her physical injuries, gets another car, but develops PTSD. Every time she gets behind the wheel of a car, she experiences debilitating panic attacks. It is three years before she can confidently drive. This example serves as a reminder that every person is unique and experiences life’s events differently. Trauma is trauma, no matter how big or small the originating event may seem to others. If people are made to feel like they are “overreacting,” or that they need to “just get over it,” they may feel ashamed and may not seek out the psychological help that they need.

What Are The Symptoms of PTSD?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), outlines the types of symptoms that a person suffering from PTSD may exhibit. As explained by staff at Enlightened Recovery, these symptoms are grouped into four categories:

  • Intrusive symptoms–including flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, bodily sensations;
  • Avoidance symptoms–attempts to avoid thoughts, conversations, people, places, sounds, situations, or images that remind the person with PTSD of the trauma;
  • Negative cognition or mood symptoms–depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, shame, blame, anger, horror, negative thoughts, dissociative symptoms, fuzzy memory of the events, lack of positive emotions; and
  • Altered reactions–irritability, hypervigilance (always feeling “on edge”), aggressive behavior, self-destructive behavior, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, poor concentration, poor sleep.

Addiction–A Symptom of Trauma?

Trauma frequently leads to alcohol or drug addiction. Many mental health care professionals have indicated that trauma can be an indicator of addiction. In a report published by the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies (ISTSS), 75% of people who have experienced abuse or violence report that they have issues with alcohol abuse. Thirty-three percent of people studied who reported symptoms associated with trauma as a result of an accident, illness, or disaster indicate that they have problems with alcohol. Nearly 80% of veterans who served in the Vietnam War who are treated for PTSD also have alcohol use disorder. Women who have experienced trauma-inducing life events have a greater chance of developing alcohol use disorder than women who have not experienced traumatic events. Adolescents who have been sexually assaulted are four times more likely to abuse alcohol than their peers, more than four times more likely to abuse marijuana, and nine times more likely to abuse other drugs.

Treatments for Trauma

If a person is in treatment for substance use disorder, any underlying trauma must be considered and addressed in order for the person to fully recover. If trauma is not addressed, the person is particularly vulnerable to relapse. According to information published on the Mayo Clinic’s website, part of the treatment for trauma is psychotherapy, also referred to as talk therapy and can include cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). Cognitive therapy is used to help patients recognize the ways of thinking, or cognitive patterns, that are keeping them rooted in the trauma. In exposure therapy, patients are exposed to the situations or memories that they find frightening in a safe manner, sometimes using virtual reality programs. EMDR combines exposure therapy with guided eye movements to help patients process traumatic events.

Alternative or complementary therapies can be especially helpful in treatment for people who have experienced trauma, particularly modalities that involve the body as well as the mind. It is said that the body can store memories much like the brain does, but without the context that the brain provides. Treatment that uses the body in some way, like equine therapy, acupuncture, or yoga and meditation, can help to access memories that may be deeply buried and can help people to integrate their minds and bodies.

At Enlightened Recovery, we understand that unprocessed trauma may be at the root of substance use disorder for our patients and we work with them to address trauma, as well as mental health issues that may underlie their addictive behaviors. Enlightened Recovery offers healing for the whole patient, not just their addiction. We develop a treatment program for each patient based on their needs as well as their goals for therapy. Our program is rooted in the 12-Step philosophy and combines traditional talk therapy with a range of holistic treatment modalities. Alternative therapies that we offer include family constellation therapy, acupuncture and chiropractic treatment, yoga and meditation, sound healing, art therapy, music therapy, equine therapy, and horticultural therapy. We are located on the southern shore of New Jersey. If you or someone you love is struggling with an addiction to drugs or alcohol and seeking compassionate healing in a soothing environment, call us at (833) 801-5483.

 

Managing Sobriety This Thanksgiving

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Thanksgiving conjures up images of happy families traveling to spend the holiday together. Grandma or mom is presiding over the kitchen, fixing a glorious meal that rivals any meal seen on a magazine cover. Grandpa or dad is watching the game on television. Happy children are playing and adorable dogs are romping. Even the family cat is happy.

But what if your Thanksgiving doesn’t look like that? What if your family doesn’t get along? What if your Thanksgiving is populated by actual real humans instead of entertainers direct from filming a Thanksgiving special? 

For some, Thanksgiving is a wonderful time with family. For others, it is filled with stress, anxiety, or loneliness. If you have recently embraced a sober lifestyle, Thanksgiving can be particularly stressful.

Several aspects of Thanksgiving can be stressful and potentially triggering, especially for people newly in recovery. These stressors include traveling, staying in someone else’s house, and Thanksgiving dinner itself. With a little planning, however, Thanksgiving can be a pleasant, substance-free time.

Traveling During the Thanksgiving Holiday

If you have to fly to reach your destination, bear in mind that the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is one of the busiest travel days in the entire year. If you hate crowds or are afraid of flying, and you are committed to sobriety, you will face some challenges.

Since you no longer will have a drink or two to help you deal with a jam-packed airport, canceled flights, and lots of time spent waiting, you will have to resort to other, albeit healthier, coping mechanisms. Allow more time than you think you need. If the airline says to be there two hours in advance of your flight, do it. Maybe even come a little before that. The last thing you want during Thanksgiving is to be anxious about missing your flight. Bear in mind that the other travelers will possibly be anxious and short-tempered. Call upon the resources you learned in recovery, like deep breathing, to stay as relaxed as possible.

If you are afraid of flying and this is your first time flying sober, you are facing another challenge. Use deep breathing or another technique that you can do seated. This can get you through takeoff and landing, and any turbulence that you may encounter in the air. Bring a book or game to distract yourself. In addition, travel with as little luggage as possible.

Staying in Someone Else’s Home

Staying in your parents’ or a sibling’s home can be a source of stress. Even if your relationships with your family are positive, visiting your childhood home as an adult can bring back childhood memories and possibly unresolved issues. When you are a guest in someone’s home, you need to abide by their rules and be mindful of their schedule. Although it can be fun for everyone to be together under one roof, it can throw off your routine. Ask your host (your mom? dad? sister?) if they mind if you do yoga in the living room at 5 a.m., go for a run every night two hours after dinner, or find an AA meeting to attend while you are in the area.

If your family enjoys wine with dinner, a beer while watching the game, or cocktails before dinner, give some thought to how you will handle the situation. If your family already knows that you aren’t drinking, your situation is easier. If your family or some family members don’t know and they are accustomed to seeing you with a drink in your hand, you may want to have a conversation with them before you arrive. This proactive approach can minimize awkwardness and may give you and them a chance to have a real discussion about the changes you have made in your life–if that’s a discussion you want to have. In any case, bring along whatever it is you like to drink and enough to share.

Thanksgiving Day

Thanksgiving Day festivities may include other relatives and family friends. Not all of these guests may know that you are sober by choice. As you would before going into any social situation where alcohol may be served, spend a little time thinking of what you will say if and when someone offers you a drink. Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation; a simple “no, thank you” should suffice. Nevertheless, there are a few strategies and techniques that can help ease any awkwardness that could arise.

  • Help in the kitchen. It’ll be difficult for anyone to offer you a drink if you are busy.
  • Keep a glass in your hand. If you already have a drink, no one will offer you one.
  • Bring a festive nonalcoholic beverage to dinner. Other people may enjoy it as well.
  • Have a few responses ready if someone asks you why you aren’t drinking: you are taking medication that doesn’t interact well with alcohol; you are training for an event and you have an early workout scheduled the next day; you’ve lost your taste for it. Or you could simply tell people that you don’t drink anymore and change the subject.

Thanksgiving and other holidays can be stressful for anyone, especially if you have recently chosen a sober lifestyle. With a little forethought and planning, however, you can go and enjoy spending time with people you love while maintaining your sobriety.

Holidays and social events can be stressful, but in the recovery treatment program at Enlightened Recovery, you will learn the life skills you need to navigate social situations confidently as you move forward in your new life, sober by choice. Enlightened Recovery, located in New Jersey’s south shore area, tailors a recovery program to meet the needs of each individual client. The focus is on healing the whole person, not just stopping the addictive behaviors. The treatment options include talk therapy, both one-on-one and in groups, and a wide range of holistic treatment modalities including acupuncture, chiropractic treatment, yoga, sound therapy, family constellation therapy, horticultural therapy, art and music therapy, and more. If you or someone you love is struggling with an addiction or other mental health challenge and is seeking compassionate therapy in a comfortable and soothing environment, call Enlightened Recovery at (833) 801-5483.

How to Make New Friends When You’re Sober

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Relationships, Sober Living. No Comments on How to Make New Friends When You’re Sober

One of the common challenges for the newly sober is finding new friends. It’s typically a good idea to distance yourself from friends who still drink and use drugs. They often won’t support your recovery and just being around them can trigger cravings. Furthermore, when people get sober, they often realize that drugs and alcohol were the only things they had in common with certain friends and they otherwise aren’t very interesting.

This can put you in a dilemma in the early days of recovery: You don’t want negative people in your life but neither do you want to be lonely. Loneliness itself is distressing and can increase your risk of anxiety and depression. Therefore, it’s helpful to try to make some new friends. If you’re the kind of outgoing person who makes friends easily, this won’t be a problem, but if you’re more introverted, guarded, or just socially awkward, the following tips may help.

Take the Initiative

First, if you want to make new friends, you may have to take the initiative. When you’re a kid, you just sort of end up being friends with people who you’re around all the time but as an adult, things are different. If you want to spend time with someone, you actually have to make a plan and follow through and you can’t always rely on the other person to get things started.

Don’t Push Too Hard

Although you may have to take the initiative, it’s also important not to push too hard. You’re basically just extending an invitation that the other person can accept or not. You can’t force someone to be your friend. These things have to happen in their own time.

Don’t Take Rejection Personally

One of the major problems people face in making new friends is fear of rejection. This is obvious when it comes to dating but less obvious when it comes to friendships. You think you would feel like an idiot if you invited someone for coffee and they just weren’t interested in spending half an hour with you. It’s important to keep in mind that rejection is not a value judgment on you, at least not an objective one.

Sometimes people are guarded and wary of new people. Sometimes they legitimately don’t have time. Sometimes they won’t like you for reasons that have nothing at all to do with who you are. The main point is that if you are willing to take the risk, you will probably end up making a few good friends. At worst, you may get a reputation as a friendly person.

Put Yourself in Favorable Situations

The other major component to making friends sober is to put yourself in situations where there are more opportunities to make friends. There are two main components to these situations: You see the same people on a regular basis and you share some common interest. Familiarity is perhaps the more important of the two because we tend to feel more comfortable around familiar people but sharing a common interest makes conversation much easier. The following are some common situations where you are more likely to make new friends.

12-Step Meetings

For people new to recovery, 12-Step meetings are typically the best places to make new friends. These groups are inclusive and there are typically several meetings available in your area. There are also specialty groups in many areas. These may be men-only, women-only, gay, and so on. Some groups may have a sort of informal niche. The point is that you can probably find a group where you fit in pretty well.

One major advantage of meeting friends at a 12-Step meeting is that they will typically share your commitment to staying sober. And since you’ve had many of the same experiences, you will be able to communicate in ways other people might not understand.

Sports Leagues

If you’re not really a talkative person, joining a recreational sports league, an exercise group, or an exercise class might be the way to go. Exercise is already a great thing to be doing in recovery, with many mental and physical health benefits, and making exercise social compounds these benefits by adding social interaction and accountability.

You’re more likely to show up to the gym or the basketball court if people are waiting for you or if your friend comes and drags you along. Playing on a team or running in a group is an easy way to become familiar with people and get to know them. Since exercise gets your endorphins going, people who exercise together are more likely to have positive associations with each other, much like sharing a good meal.

Classes

It’s easy to make friends in school because you see the same people every day for years. While you probably don’t want to go back to school, you may enjoy taking a class. It doesn’t have to be anything too serious, although many friendships have been forged by cram sessions for organic chemistry and other challenging classes.

You can take a class in cooking or tennis or art. It doesn’t matter as long as it’s something you enjoy and something that will put you in contact with the same people for a few weeks or months. Learning new skills and getting into new interests is also great for recovery overall.

Networking

Finally, make use of “weak” social ties. These are people outside your immediate circle of friends and family, who typically mostly know each other already. This is an underutilized resource when job hunting and the same is true for making new friends. Ask about the friends and acquaintances of your friends and family. If someone sounds interesting or like you might have something in common, see if you can get together.

For example, your cousin has a friend who is a year sober and likes the same music you do. Maybe you arrange to have lunch with your cousin and ask him to invite his friend too. Sometimes these work out and sometimes not but these kinds of associative connections are easy to make and follow through on with lower than average risk of major problems.

Having a strong social network is one of the keys to a strong recovery. Feeling connected, feeling a sense of belonging reduces stress and gives you a sense of purpose and accountability. Making friends is mainly a matter of being willing to make the first move and putting yourself in situations where you meet people who share your interests and values. After that, you just have to be patient and let your friendships develop.

At Enlightened Recovery, we know that connection is crucial to a strong recovery. That’s why family and community are core principles in our approach to treatment. To learn more about our addiction treatment program, call us today at 833-801-5483.

7 Tips for Handling Peer Pressure in Addiction Recovery

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Addiction Recovery, Recovery, Sober Living. No Comments on 7 Tips for Handling Peer Pressure in Addiction Recovery

We tend to think of peer pressure as something that mainly affects adolescents. The phrase conjures tedious lectures from teachers, school counselors, and DARE officers.

While peer pressure is certainly strongest for adolescents, as social creatures, most of us are vulnerable to peer pressure to some degree throughout our lives. Peer pressure is still fairly strong even in young adulthood, between 18 and 25.

We all look around to see what other people are doing, especially if we’re in an unfamiliar situation. When you’re recovering from a substance use disorder, you’re not only fighting your own cravings but possibly the expectations of your family and friends as well.

In a perfect world, everyone around you would respect your wish not to use drugs or alcohol, but in reality, you’re likely to face peer pressure at some point. Here are some tips on how to handle it.

Think Ahead and Avoid Potentially Problematic Situations

The best advice, especially for someone new to recovery, is to think ahead and avoid putting yourself in a position where you’ll have to resist peer pressure. Whenever you’re getting ready to go somewhere, it’s a good idea to deliberately ask yourself, “Who might I encounter there and will they pressure me to use drugs or alcohol?” It may sound a bit silly, but making deliberate predictions about possible difficulties trains your brain to anticipate problems.

Prepare an Excuse in Advance

We can’t always avoid situations where we might be tempted by drugs and alcohol. If you’re going into a situation where, say, someone might offer you a drink, it’s a good idea to have an excuse prepared in advance and visualize yourself in some possible situations.

For example, if you’re going to an office party where there’s alcohol, typically you won’t need to say anything more than “No thanks.” You might feel obliged to offer some further comments such as,”I’m driving,” or “I have an early morning.”

You might want to have a non-alcoholic drink in your hand to deter offers. The important thing is that you imagine some likely scenarios beforehand so you’re better prepared to deal with them.

Bring backup.

When going into a situation where you might feel peer pressure to drink or use drugs, it’s a good idea to have sober backup. Bring a friend. The best backup would be a sober friend, perhaps one from your 12-Step group, who can remind you of your intention to stay sober and provide some accountability.

Even if your friend is not in recovery, if they’re willing to stay sober, you’ll feel less on the spot when you refuse. Don’t underestimate the value of moral support. You don’t want to feel like you’re alone against the world.

Learn to Say No, Politely

Saying no is often harder than it seems. You may have to resist pressure from someone you’re not used to saying no to, perhaps even a parent or spouse. In those cases, it can take a bit of courage.

It’s also important to remember that when some people hear “no,” they infer judgment, like maybe since you quit drinking and using drugs, you feel like you’re better than they are. Since people with substance use issues have feelings of shame and self-criticism already, you don’t want to imply judgment of the other person. Sometimes it’s important to make clear that you’re refusing for personal reasons.

Be Prepared to Set Boundaries

In any case, your goal should be to set healthy boundaries with the people around you. The point is not necessarily to cut anyone out of your life—although that will sometimes be a good idea—but rather to let people know what behaviors are and aren’t ok.

Setting boundaries is about learning to say no—politely—but it’s also about listening and respecting other people. You can’t control other people though. All you can do is let them know how you expect to be treated and if they can’t accept that, then you should probably stay away from them.

Use Peer Pressure to Your Advantage

You’ve probably heard the saying that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. We all unconsciously pick up habits from our friends and family. We set our baseline expectations on their behavior and we adopt each other’s basic assumptions.

This is a big problem if you’re trying to stay sober and hanging around the same old crowd. However, it can work to your advantage if you’re spending most of your time around other sober people, especially if some of those people have been sober for a while.

Gradually, you adopt the behaviors and habits of sober people and the idea of using drugs and alcohol will begin to feel a bit foreign. This is one major reason a strong sober network is such a major part of a successful recovery.

It Gets Easier

The first few times you refuse a drink from someone you would typically drink with, it can feel uncomfortable, even jarring. You might feel like you’re throwing a wrench in the works or perhaps even jeopardizing the relationship.

However, it soon gets easier. After two or three times, your not drinking or using drugs becomes the new normal. People stop offering and you don’t even have to think about it.

The hard part comes at the beginning when you’re afraid of being judged or offending someone. And, of course, everything gets easier with practice, so the more you say no, the easier it will be in other situations.

Peer pressure is just one of the many situations that you have to learn to deal with in addiction recovery. A big part of cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, and dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, is learning to anticipate and deal with these peer pressure situations.
At Enlightened Recovery, we use a variety of proven methods to help our clients build the skills for a long recovery. For more information about our programs, call us today at 833-801-LIVE.

4 Tips for Staying Sober Under Quarantine

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Mental Health, Sober Living. No Comments on 4 Tips for Staying Sober Under Quarantine

In hopes of containing the spread of covid-19, or the coronavirus, state and federal governments are asking people to stay home and avoid public gatherings. Some state and local governments have even closed restaurants, bars, movie theaters, and other public-serving businesses to help stop the spread of the virus. This can be a trying time for anyone in recovery for a number of reasons. First, it suggests that attending 12-Step meetings is probably not a good idea, especially for people over 65 and people who have frequent contact with anyone over 65. 

 

The virus has also closed many church services, which are an important part of many people’s recovery plans, as are other spiritual gatherings like group meditation and yoga classes. It’s also a good idea to stay away from the gym. Staff and other members frequently wipe down seats and benches but rarely disinfect bars. It can also be hard to keep appropriate distance from people who are breathing hard and grunting. In other words, some major components of most recovery plans such as fellowship and exercise will have to be modified in the coming weeks or months. Here are some tips for staying on track with your recovery during quarantine.

 

Connect Virtually

The good news is that we have more ways of communicating over long distances than we have at any other time in history. In fact, until a few weeks ago, one of the problems we seemed to hear the most about was that we’re all so socially alienated and we rely too much on social media and texting to stay in touch with friends and family. We’ve lost the ability to connect in person and hold a real conversation. Under the current circumstances, that would seem to be a feature rather than a bug. 

 

However, the fact remains that real-life connection is important for emotional health, and that’s doubly true for anyone recovering from addiction. So what are you to do if you can’t go to meetings? Ideally, your group will have already discussed the possibility of quarantine and have formed a backup plan, such as an online forum. One thing to consider is that it’s very hard to remain anonymous on online platforms like Facebook or Google Hangouts. However, AA does offer virtual meetings via Zoom and other mutual aid programs such as SMART Recovery, Refuge Recovery, and LifeRing also have a large online presence, so you might take this opportunity to give those a try if you’re not already familiar with them. 

 

There are also a number of online communities you might stay in touch with. If you’re part of a sober Facebook group, that might be a good resource–although, again, probably not anonymous. There are several good addiction subreddits that offer both more anonymity and a larger community. These generally have a positive atmosphere and people respond quickly. 

 

Exercise at Home

Staying active is an important part of every recovery plan. Being quarantined at home is like some strange combination of a holiday and a sick day and you might feel tempted to just sit on the couch watching TV all-day. If anything, exercise is even more important now, since it keeps your immune system strong and helps you cope with the stress of uncertainty. 

 

At the moment, it’s generally considered safe to bike, walk, or run outdoors, assuming there aren’t many people around. There is less risk of contagion in open areas. Just don’t stop and chat with the neighbors, or stay at least 10 feet away if you do.

 

There are also plenty of ways to get a good workout without even leaving the house. There are bodyweight alternatives to lifting weights. There are even bodyweight HIIT routines that can get your heart pumping without taking up much space. These can be found online or on YouTube. If yoga is more your style, there are also tons of yoga videos on YouTube. Yoga with Adrienne is probably the most popular, but there are plenty of options to suit your taste. It may not be as good as your sweaty Bikram class, but it will keep you active and flexible. 

 

Use This Experience to Work With Challenging Emotions

One of the biggest challenges for many people won’t be the inconvenience, per se, but the emotions the pandemic may give rise to. It’s likely that we will all know someone who will be affected by the virus; perhaps we will even get it. The uncertainty is stressful in itself. If you have struggled with anxiety or depression in the past, this is certainly a situation that will get your mind churning. 

 

One way to cope is to use these challenging emotions as a sort of exercise. For example, it’s a good opportunity to practice mindfulness. It’s tempting to try to push away your anxiety about the future, to distract yourself, or tell yourself it will probably be fine but it’s also a serious situation and it’s normal to be apprehensive. Instead of pushing those feelings away, try accepting them and examining them nonjudgmentally. For example, notice where in your body you feel that anxiety–your stomach, perhaps? What thoughts are coming up? Try to notice them without getting caught up. Finally, take some time to consider that a lot of people are probably feeling the same things you are. Concern for others is often a good way to cope with our own anxieties. 

 

While this can be an opportunity to practice coping with challenging emotions, it’s not a good time to be skipping therapy. If you’re seeing a therapist, call and discuss ways of conducting your sessions remotely. Many people have been having their sessions over the phone, on FaceTime, or on Skype. If you’re not currently seeing a therapist but feel like you need one, you can probably find one who will work with you remotely.

 

Stick to Your Recovery Plan as Much as Possible

Finally, remember that you can still do a lot on your own. As noted above, you can exercise at home. You can also read about addiction and recovery, you can write, you can meditate, you can eat healthy, you can spend quality time with your family, and you can relax in whatever way works for you. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do right now, focus on what you can do. This might even be an opportunity to work on some parts of your recovery that might not otherwise get enough attention. 

 

With any luck, this post will have an incredibly short shelf life but at the moment, no one has any idea when life will get back to normal. In the meantime, we have to do what we can with what we have. With a little ingenuity, that can still be quite a lot. Stay safe, stay connected, and stay on track. At Enlightened Recovery, we believe that long-term recovery requires healing the mind, body, and spirit. Our programs are built on the 12-Step approach and incorporate a diversity of healing practices. To learn more, call us today at 833-801-LIVE.

Boundaries in Recovery 101

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Addiction Recovery, Sober Living. No Comments on Boundaries in Recovery 101

If you’re someone that’s in recovery, it’s necessary to set healthy boundaries for yourself and with those around you. You cannot properly learn to recover if you feel like you frequently let people walk all over you or you have a hard time saying no. Without boundaries; you aren’t showing up for yourself and being the best you that you can be. Drawing the line and sticking to it regarding what you think is acceptable is a necessary step to setting boundaries. Of course, these things are going to change from person to person, which is why you must be upfront with your loved ones about what you expect from them and what is and isn’t okay. 

Be aware of your triggers

Something is a trigger if it brings up bad memories or makes you want to turn to the substance you know you shouldn’t be using during your recovery. To set boundaries so that you can avoid your triggers as much as possible, you must first figure out what usually triggers you. Of course, avoiding every trigger all of the time is virtually impossible. You can, however, set boundaries that tell yourself and others what is okay and what is not okay, and what you expect from yourself and others in certain situations. Knowing your triggers helps to draw the line when you’re setting boundaries.

Stand up for yourself

Standing up for yourself can be extremely difficult for some people. Many people in recovery often feel like they are a burden to others, and they shouldn’t bring up their boundaries because they will weigh down others or dampen the mood. You have to make sure that other people know what your boundaries are so that they can respect them. You also need to be able to set them down and respect them yourself. Other people won’t know how to act if you are not firm in your boundaries.

Allow yourself to say no

Another tricky thing for many people is learning to say no. Some people get afraid of hurting or offending others by saying no. Here’s the thing: if you aren’t able to stand up and firmly say no when someone has crossed the line, then your boundaries will soon be in shambles. You are allowed to say no. Learn to use the word no as a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain everything to everyone you meet. Be firm in your decision to say no. 

Remove the guilt

When you begin to say no, you might notice that there is some guilt attached to the word. That’s okay. However, the more times you can stand up for yourself and your boundaries, the easier it will get to set them the next time You’ll begin to be comfortable with your boundaries and your expectations. Over time, your guilt will start to fade away. 

Here is the time where we help give you guidelines so you can begin to set your boundaries. It can be challenging to set boundaries with the people you love; but, the people who love you will still love you after you’ve set boundaries with them. They will learn to respect them and respect you. Boundaries keep you safe, so don’t slack off on them when it’s someone you love! Your non-negotiable boundaries will come from the values that you hold close to our hearts. These are things that you are not willing to compromise. 

Figure out what you value

The first step to setting boundaries is to figure out what you value in your life. You must first decide what means the most to you. There are going to be some things that matter more than others, which helps you create your boundaries. If you value something so profoundly, you probably are going to want to set a non-negotiable boundary around that thing. Don’t compromise on something important to you. Remember: you can say no and not give an explanation!

Figure out what you need

The second step to setting boundaries is to figure out what you need based on what you value. Make what you value the center of your life. If you have figured out that you value creative time, you’re going to want to set aside time where you do not have any meetings or obligations. You’re going to use your spare time to be creative because that is what you value. 

Find a way to honor these things

The third step to setting boundaries is to find a way to honor the things you value and need. Once you realize that you value your creativity and need more time to be creative, you can honor the promise to yourself by rearranging your schedule to find more time for creativity and less time for non-essential things. Honoring your values and your voice is essential for setting healthy boundaries. 

If you or a loved one want to learn to set and communicate boundaries, call us today at 833-801-LIVE.

Fears of a Sober Life

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in Addiction, Sober Living. No Comments on Fears of a Sober Life

Not everyone enters the sober life confidently. If you have been an alcoholic or addicted to drugs for years, it may be hard for you to picture your life without it. By knowing what your fears are towards entering a sober lifestyle, you will realize those fears are only in your head and that sobriety can turn your life around for the better.

Willpower

One fear you may have is that you do not have the willpower to stop substance abuse. You are afraid that if you try recovery, you will fail. Failure is a big fear for everyone whether you abuse substances or you do not. Instead of thinking hard about what will happen if you fail, think more about what will happen if you do not try. If you do not try, your money will continue to run out, your health will decline, your relationships will continue to be torn, and you will continue to be a person that no one will recognize anymore. The worst that can happen during sobriety is that you relapse. But if you relapse, just remind yourself how normal it is and continue on with your treatment. Lean on to your sponsor, friends, and family.

Dislike For Sobriety

A second fear can be that you are afraid you will not like sobriety. You were always used to having drugs or alcohol in your hands and spending all of your free time doing drugs. Without it, you have no idea how to fill up that time and will feel like you are suffering. We tend to fear the unknown. We cannot see what our future will be like and are used to a routine. The truth is that you should instead walk into a sobriety lifestyle with a positive attitude. Do not assume that you will hate it before you have even tried it.

Being Boring

A third fear is being afraid that you will see yourself as boring as well as your friends. Drinking and drugs tend to make us think we are more fun as we have lost our inhibitions. We just do and say what instantly comes to our minds without thinking. It is called “liquid courage” as the substance gives you the courage to be outgoing. Loss of inhibition, though, is not considered a good thing as many bad things can happen to you. You can end up saying something that hurts someone’s feelings, sleeping with strangers, using up your entire savings, or end up intoxicated behind the wheel. It is never boring to be safe and healthy. You will actually be more fun to be around knowing that intoxication from substances cannot limit you. You can fully enjoy everything and people can have fun around someone who is thinking straight.

A Boring Life

A fourth fear is that no drugs or alcohol will make your life boring. Life with drugs and alcohol have made you feel sick and made your life more complicated. Without it, you have unlimited energy to do all of the things you want to do. You can do anything you want and still have fun without drugs or alcohol. You can go to a movie, a carnival, go traveling, play sports, and more that will make you smile. Think about all of the money you will have now that used to always be spent on drugs and alcohol. Now, it can be used to fund a vacation or buy presents for the people who have been there for you through this journey.

Coping Mechanisms

You started drinking or doing drugs most likely as a way of coping with trauma or problems that you did not want to face. A fifth fear is not knowing how to cope anymore without drugs or alcohol. Pain is scary to experience. But, one benefit of pain is that it is a reminder that you need to get help. Drugs and alcohol may seem to make you feel better about your inner trauma, but can actually make you feel worse. This is what causes you to abuse substances more so that the effects would be greater. Instead of relying on drugs or alcohol to help, rely on your therapist and other helpful methods that you learned in treatment. Learning healthy coping skills will teach you how to turn your sadness into happiness so you can be in good spirits around your social circle.

Losing Friends

A sixth fear is that your friends will no longer be around you when you are sober. You are scared that they used to think of you as fun when you were intoxicated and that you will have no friends left after. Your true friends will support your recovery. They will not force you to go back to old habits. If they do, these are people that you need to cut out of your life. Being sober will allow you to make lasting friendships that are real. 

Everything Will Be Different

A seventh fear is that your life will be so much different without drugs or alcohol and you are not prepared for it. Yes, your life will be different, but it will be so much better. Be excited about entering into treatment. Your life of hangovers and guilt will be over. By choosing to have a sober life, you have a better chance of having a positive and beneficial life with your loved ones.

Located on the shore of Southern New Jersey, Enlightened Recovery is a recovery center that uses evidence-based therapies and holistic healing to treat addiction and mental illness. With the opportunity to learn about therapies that are keyed in to healing the human spirit and learning about new stress-reducing techniques centered around a 12 step network, you will ensure a lasting recovery. For more information, please call us at 833-801-LIVE as we are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

How Our Lives Benefit from Inner Peace

Written by Enlightened Recovery on . Posted in 12 Step Program, Sober Living. No Comments on How Our Lives Benefit from Inner Peace

Having peace of mind changes everything for us and drastically transforms our lives for the better. We experience an internal well-being that can feel totally new and different for us when we’ve been consumed with inner turmoil for so long. The health of our relationships improves, and we repair those that have been broken and heal the conflicts that contributed to their demise. We change the energy with which we manifest in our lives moving forward, bringing us happier circumstances and easier navigation through life’s challenges. We start to see things working out more easily for us. We feel happier and more secure within ourselves.

Stress is a normal part of life, and recovery doesn’t mean our stress disappears. With inner peace, though, we can more easily deal with the stresses in our lives. We are more centered, balanced and grounded. We are less triggered by the things that formerly knocked us off our center. We become less reactive and less emotionally swayed by challenging things, events and people. We find it easier to stay true to ourselves and to keep our focus on our emotional well-being.

Inner peace allows us to reclaim the dignity many of us lost when we were at our lowest point, when we were most self-destructive and self-harming. We learn what it means to love and accept ourselves. We forgive ourselves for our mistakes rather than condemning ourselves to live in shame and self-deprecation. We’re better able to release the past in order to focus on the future ahead. We find ourselves wanting to move forward with hope rather than staying stuck in our pain.

With inner peace comes self-empowerment. When we’re at peace within ourselves, we mentally and emotionally start to uplift ourselves more. We shed the disparaging self-talk that dominated our minds. We stop being our own worst enemy and shed our self-hatred. We find it so much happier and easier to be our own ally instead. We start to shower ourselves with self-love and self-acceptance. We stop denying ourselves the gift of our own compassion and understanding.

When we have peace of mind, we start to make better choices, in our relationships, habits and behaviors. We shed our self-destructiveness. Being good to ourselves comes much more naturally. We become better able to recognize our harmful patterns, and we develop the mindfulness to stop them in their tracks. Our energy is one of peace, and we manifest more peace in our lives rather than the tumult, confusion and conflict we grew accustomed to. Our lives and everything in them benefit tremendously when we work to develop our inner peace.

At Enlightened Recovery, our holistic and multidisciplinary approach is focused on healing the whole person and invigorating your soul. Call us at (833) 801-LIVE today.